*Steve had lied when he had said my Green Card application was underway mid-April (see “And So The Lies Continue“). So when I went to be with him last minute for Christmas 2011, we discussed his lies which he apologised for and promised he wouldn’t do it again(!). He blamed the distance and missing me so much it hurt for his behaviour, as well as being in the army as it was stressing him out. He also said although we were married, he felt lonely because he woke up to an empty bed and came home to an empty apartment. I understood where he was coming from, but I liked my own company. I enjoyed living on my own in London.
Bearing in mind he had only moved into the apartment just two months before I went to visit, the place was a huge mess. He had stayed with me in my apartment in London and saw how I kept it clean and tidy, so the state his apartment was in was shocking. The new beige carpet had a massive black stain in the middle of it. His things were scattered everywhere. Prior to this point, we had always stayed in a hotel. I had seen his room in the barracks once which was a complete mess too, but he said it was like that because his room had been inspected in his absence and the mattress had been changed. What I didn’t realise was that he was actually untidy and quite frankly, dirty. He blamed the mess on moving and having to work, so not finding the time to unpack everything properly.
It took me a whole day to clean the kitchen. Another day to clean the living room. And yet another day to clean the spare room. Thats three days in total and I was yet to clean the master bedroom and bathroom. Seriously? Why should I have to clean up after a grown man? I was not impressed and made it known. He promised to keep the place clean and tidy.
Whilst there, I called USCIS to make sure he was indeed on top of things. Because he was applying for me, the customer service representative wouldn’t tell me much because they could only tell my sponsor the information. I was however, told that Steve had started the process November 14th. A huge delay, but it was a start and quite possibly the first thing he hadn’t lied about!
It was during this time the topic of having a child came up. Discussing it at great lengths, we decided it would be a good idea. I was moving out to be with him permanently in March 2012 (yet another date had been set) and to attend a Military Ball, so why not? He seemed to be a doting father to his daughter whom he wanted joint custody of, and according to him, her mother made his life hell by not allowing him to see her. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, but didn’t want to get involved in any of that. What went on between Steve and *Dawn was nothing to do with me.
He told me I didn’t have to work; I could be a lady of leisure. I reminded him that I had been working since the age of seventeen, so there is no way I could accept that offer. Work was definitely on the cards.
Finally, we were on the same page, or so it seemed and we could move on from all the lies and setbacks we had encountered. I was living out of suitcases which I hated and his clothes, as well as everything else was all over the floor. I couldn’t stand it. I went out and bought two chest of drawers – one for him and one for me. Also, two nightstands for either side of the bed. I also bought a matching bed set, to include a comforter, flat sheet, etc. It was starting to look and feel a bit like home. This was going to be the place I’d call home soon. We needed furniture and he was no good with money.
The $1,070 needed for my Green Card application was placed in the joint savings account.
I raised $6,500 to transfer once I made the move. This money was for any emergency that may arise, such as bridging the gap between him leaving the army to starting college so we didn’t end up homeless. Basically, this money was backup to dig us out of any hole we may fall into as I couldn’t work yet, due to the seven month delay in him applying for my Petition For Alien Relative.
I moved out to the US on March 3rd 2012 as he wanted me to be there in time for my birthday three days later. I don’t know why. I spent it alone whilst he was at work. Afterwards, we went to Perkins and a few days later, he bought me a small stereo. But there were two major problems. Firstly, the apartment was a ‘pig sty’ again and secondly, the money for my Green Card had disappeared. When asked what what was going on with the state of the place, he told me he was too busy with work to clean up. When asked what happened to the money, he said that each time we argued, he’d just go out and spend some of it out of spite (I’m a believer in saving for a ‘rainy’ day), but didn’t actually know what he’d done with it.
(My beloved convertible two seater Smart car).
There was a seven week gap between the time I’d spent with him over Christmas period to when I moved to the US. I sold my car, my furniture, got my deposit back on my apartment in London and got paid for a few outstanding Corporate Video jobs. I was also in credit with the utility companies, so was refunded those monies as well. Considering he was the one who wanted the move, I gave up everything to be with him.
It wasn’t too long before I realised the money wasn’t going to last. I was soon to witness first hand how he spent money faster than it came in. I ended up having to pay for my Green Card out of this money, so I got stung financially yet again.
(*Not their real names)