I Saved Him From Being Kicked Out Of The Army

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*Steve’s chapter at Hunter Army Airfield (HAAF) in Savannah, Georgia started in November 2011 – months before I moved there. (“Chapter” means he was being kicked out). He lied to me and said it started in February 2012 after I’d already given up my apartment, car and job in London. The worst thing about it all, was he and I had discussed in detail in December 2011 that he would re-enlist to ensure we were financially stable, should I fall pregnant before finding a job. It was all more lies just to get me out there to be with him.

The reason for his chapter? Because he couldn’t be bothered to meet tape. In others words, he was told on many occasions to lose weight, but he didn’t. On top of this he was lazy and rude. All he wanted to do was chill out and sleep. No thought for his family.

During my ‘new life’ in Savannah, Steve told me he was being bullied at work by the two Sergeants he reported directly to. I’d been hearing this for quite some time, to include whilst I was still living in the UK, so suggested that he tell his Captain or First Sergeant. He refused. Said he was scared of the repercussions. I asked if he would like me to have a word, by which he said it would be better coming from me. So I did. I spoke to his Captain twice over the phone; and twice to his First Sergeant in person. It would be during one of the conversations with his First Sergeant, that I would find out the truth. Asking me when did I think his chapter started, quite rightly, I said February this year (2012) as this is what Steve had told me. The response was that his chapter had actually started in November last year (2011).

I broke down in tears. Why the hell did I give up my life in the UK? I explained that if it did go ahead, I’d have no medical cover to have my son and we’d be homeless. I continued to try to convince the First Sergeant otherwise. I had to. All the money we should have had was gone, with nothing to show for it, due to having to help him out of financial messes which had nothing to do with me. It was a heartbreaking situation to be in. I was in my second trimester and our future was uncertain. How could he do this? Of course, it was not his fault. It never was according to him, it was always someone else’s. I literally begged for his chapter to be reconsidered; “At least let him work out his contract and not be able to re-enlist” I sobbed… I was desperate and in a right state. I had no job, no money and now I was about to become homeless. To make matters worse, I was in pain. Attending physiotherapy, for the past few months or so, it was all too much for me. I was so afraid for my unborn child.

It wasn’t until July 2012 that Steve told me that his seniors had wanted to chapter him from when he was stationed in Germany. I couldn’t believe he had known all along that this was the plan. Bearing in mind he left Germany in February 2011, and had been begging me to give up my life in the UK to be with him for little over a year before I actually did, it would have been nice if he had told the truth. Especially as I found out later still, that he had known all along that he was transferring from Germany back to the US, but had told me otherwise. He’s clearly incapable of telling the truth about anything. (See “And So The Lies Begin”).

The First Sergeant must have felt sorry it for me. Steve was allowed to work out his contract to December 4th 2012. (He had accumulated 32 vacation days he hadn’t yet used, so his last working day was November 2nd). We had also been given 180 days of Tricare which would expire on June 2nd 2013, This meant I could have my son without the burden of thinking how I was going to pay the hospital bill (clearly, I couldn’t rely on Steve to pay or even help with the payments). We were initially told our son was due on December 12th 2012; then it was changed to December 18th. Regardless, it was a relief to have this extra medical cover… although it didn’t stop the the chain of events which was about to take place just six weeks before I was due to have our son.

(*Not his real name)

29 thoughts on “I Saved Him From Being Kicked Out Of The Army

  1. In my 24 years of active duty I saw a number of soldiers like the one you described, most of them could not be saved. I am sorry that the command structure could not help you, they should have provided assistance with not only JAG, but also with social welfare. There are some people that refuse to straighten their lives out, and those soldiers seem to always have family who will be force to endure the brunt of the pain. I can only hope that you and the child were able to exit the relationship and find help.

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    • Thank you for reading my post. Yes, I did exit the relationship after the damage had been done. After he had beat me during and after my pregnancy. I had to return to the UK with my then 12 week old son with literally just the clothes on our backs. He simply didn’t care. In fact, I need to amend my post, to explain why he was to be chaptered. I will do so now.

      Thank you for your service. I really appreciate it.

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  2. You are so brave to have spoken to the men he worked with, you ensured a healthy delivery of your son. Was that his way of letting you find the truth or once again is it using another person to survive? Amazing. I had a similar issue and my regret to this day is that I did not “interfere” in his work by going and speaking to them. It would have saved me a lot of trouble. You had a child due as well, that makes it so difficult to deal with “Steves” because you want to keep the “family” in tact. I am glad the burden and stress of hospital finances.

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    • Thank you. I had to. What else could I possibly do? I do believe it was his way of letting me find out the truth without telling me himself. When I asked him, he of course denied that he knew of the chapter prior to February. Honestly, I could take no more of anything. Physiotherapy, beatings, facing homelessness, penniless, baby on the way, going hungry…it was too much. I’m surprised I survived it all.

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  3. I am so relieved for you that speaking to his First Sergeant turned out the way it did for you. Generally by the time it reaches the point where the abused in the relationship contacts the employer (whomever it may be), the reaction is not so…. kind. The abuser makes it a point to talk behind your back to EVERYONE no matter how strained their relationships are so if / when you do contact any of them about anything… they think that something is wrong with you, not the other way around. I am glad in this case he wasn’t able to blind them so you could get the help you needed. Although, he should have been a man and none of what he did to you should have happened to begin with.

    *hugs*

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    • What I should have done was tell of what was happening to me behind closed doors. But I did what I thought was best at the time which was to make sure I had some provisions for my son. Besides, he kept telling me he was so angry because the army was stressing him so, and that he would improve once he left. Right…

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      • What you should have done was acted in the best interest of you and your unborn child, and this is what you did. We cannot go back and change what we did or did not do, so remind yourself you still picked up that phone to do some looking out for yourself.

        He told you things would get better…. and that is usually right before it actually goes in the opposite direction and gets so much worse. Right?

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      • You’re right. Thank you. I did what was best at the time. I was so afraid my son would be taken from me because of him I did what I thought was best.

        Oh my gosh, yes. Just after he left the army, things got so much worse. Complete opposite direction. Worst thing? He was now at “home” with me most of the time. It was hell.

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      • Kevin “worked” from home.. meaning when he felt like it. And once he got me to leave my job, I was stuck at home with him. And not that things weren’t bad enough, because 3-4 days a week of physical abuse on average is crazy, but once he and I were stuck in the cage together…. it averaged 6-7 days a week after that. For two years.

        I have a feeling you are going to cover this soon so I won’t ask you to reveal more. *hugs*

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