Physical Abuse – Part One

anti-domestic-violence-man-small-26921

(Please note: I am aware of the fact that women hit/beat men as well. This image is referring to my experiences. It is not my intention to offend any male readers who too, have experienced Domestic Violence).

It’s easier for me to explain these particular ‘events’ in bullet-point form, as there are not any specific dates. Each happened on different occasions, numerous times, and therefore will not be in any particular order. Also, the abuse took place during and after my pregnancy – mainly during my second and third trimester.

I have only picked out five incidences to talk about, as there are too many to list. I suppose these are the ones which stand out… the ones that feel like only happened yesterday.

  • Because I disagreed with him, *Steve tried to suffocate me with a pillow. The first time was in my second trimester. Pinning me down on the bed (as usual), he grabbed the pillow because he was mad that I wanted to go for a walk on my own to get away from him. This was a common thing to his madness. The more I just need a break from him (and it wouldn’t matter if it was only for ten minutes or so), the more he didn’t want to let me go out. Even if I went into a different room, he’d follow me.
  • Frequently, Steve would grab me by my arms or legs, drag me into the windowless bathroom and lock me in. Why? There were no specific reasons. On one occasion, it was because I needed to lie down for a little while before we went out to do his food shopping. I was in pain from my pregnancy, so told him I needed to rest for a few minutes, hoping the pain would ease. He was so angry. “You’re having a text-book pregnancy, so stop acting like you’re in pain. There’s nothing wrong with you”. Another time, he tried to do the same thing, only this time, it was because once again, I wanted to get away from him.
  • One day in July 2012, I asked him why he no longer spoke of his daughter. Initially, he had come across a doting father. I cannot express the pain I felt next… Steve punched me in the face. It thought my jaw was broken. Apparently, I was not allowed to mention his daughter. This is the same daughter he wanted me to 1) look after if he won full custody of (see “Our Trip To See His Daughter In Montana“, and 2) the same daughter he wanted me to pay the lawyer for the custody battle. After stumbling, and crying out in pain for I assume, a few minutes (it felt a lot longer than that), Steve came up to me and checked my face. After his diagnosis of “You’re going to be fine”, he wouldn’t let me leave the apartment in case I called the police.

abuse 1

(Permanent mark on my left arm from Steve during my pregnancy).

  •  Just after our son Max was born, Steve decided to take it upon himself to try to strangle me on a daily basis. By the end of it, after losing count of how many times he actually did this, it hurt to swallow my saliva. I’m sure it made him happy because I now definitely couldn’t eat – not that I was allowed to anyway. It was so bad, every time I tried to turn my head, there were loud ‘clicking’ noises from my neck. I’m surprised I didn’t suffer from Tunnel Vision as I could literally, only look straight ahead of me. Asking him to take me to the hospital, he refused saying they would arrest him, and that wasn’t going to happen. Instead, he checked my neck himself and told me I’d be just fine. Max was only a couple of weeks old.
  • We were having an argument just a few days after leaving the hospital with Max. Once again, I just wanted to get the hell away from him. Steve was pissed off because I had fallen asleep for thirty minutes after being awake for forty-eight hours, cleaning up his mess and looking after our baby. I should have been relaxing, as ordered by the doctor, as I had stitches from a caesarian. Rather than let me go, whilst holding our son, he slapped me so hard around the face, I lost my balance and landed on Max. The only saving Grace is that I landed on the bed. However, there were two major concerns for me at this moment in time. First and foremost, Max was a tiny, fragile baby. He only weighed 5lbs 11oz by the time we were released from hospital. “God please, don’t let my son be broken…“. I was frantic. Secondly, it felt like my stitches had burst. The sharp pain that shot through my body from the tugging of them felt like, what I can only describe as a number of red hot pokers being rammed into my body. I thought my insides would now be on the outside. In excruciating pain, I checked Max. He seemed OK. An appointment was already booked to see a paediatrician. (Turns out my little bundle of joy was just fine). As for me, my stitches were still in tact, but only because of the thick tape which had been used to keep the bandage on in the first place. I needed extra pain killers to help numb the pain as much as possible.

Looking back on it all, I truly hope that the many men and women suffering like this have the strength to leave. I’m certain I would have been dead by now. If he could kill my kittens, he’s more than capable of killing a human being. That’s the next stage, right?

famous animal abusers

Famous Animal Abusers, from left to right: Ted Bundy, Jeffery Dahmer, David Berkowitz and Michael Vick.

The Link Between Animal Cruelty And Human Violence Is Indisputable.

(*Not his real name)

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44 thoughts on “Physical Abuse – Part One

  1. Great share… Isn’t it amazing that specific acts of abuse, though it only occupied moments of time-a very small percentage of time, really… Effects us on such a deep level. I first pieced the abuse together for me, when I had to answer a 45 question interrogatory… I remember looking at it as a whole and thinking “Oh my gosh…I have really been abused-it was not my imagination!” Prayers to you today💛💙💜

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    • I think the ones I highlighted today are the moments I will remember for a very, very long time. I don’t know why these ones specifically. I cannot express how sorry I am that you were abused too :(.

      Prayers are always welcome. Thank you. xx

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  2. Oh my. The more I read about this man, the more sick I feel. Mostly because what he did to you was downright vile, but also because I see so many similarities.

    I didn’t experience the extreme end of physical violence like you did, but I couldn’t believe it when the physical abuse actually began when I got pregnant (though I now know that this is extremely common in abusive relationships). Most men feel protective of their partner and unborn baby, but ours just saw a target 😦

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    • These people should come with a warning sign!

      Yes, I’ve read that many of them start the physical abuse abuse during pregnancy. My husband wanted me to get pregnant again, straight away. If I’d not put my foot down, I would have had two babies under the age of one! I’ve also read that it’s normal for male narcs to want to keep their spouses pregnant as they are more vulnerable.

      Unfortunately, we weren’t with men…

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      • Urgh, yes. Mine wanted another baby, even though he didn’t want to provide for or help out at all with the one we had. So glad that you and I said ‘no’ to that.

        These creatures are certainly not men. They see babies just as an extra way of tying us to them. However, it seems like both our abusers had no clue that the baby would give us extra strength 🙂

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      • He wasn’t helping me with our son. In fact, *Steve yelled at him because Max had an upset tummy at ten weeks old. Why on earth would I have another one?! Don’t get me wrong, I love my son, but it was easier to escape with just the one.

        You’re right about them giving us strength. Without my little one, I probably would have committed suicide just to escape the crazy bastard. Max saved my life. He has no idea what a special little boy he is. x

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      • Oh, I relate SO much I can barely even put it into words. He constantly badgered me for another, forcing conflict when I stuck to my guns.

        Once, I saw my ex shaking his fist at our baby, who was disturbing his beauty sleep by daring to cry. It broke my heart and terrified me at the same time – just showed me that our little one would never grow up happy around this scumbag.

        So, it wasn’t too hard to conclude that one was enough. I often say that my little one saved me. Otherwise, I’d probably still be there feeling there was no way out. We often will do for our kids what we won’t do for ourselves.

        Good on you for staying strong under such pressure. Your son has an AMAZING mother x

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      • Oh my gosh, him as well? It makes my blood boil that they would behave in such a way to anyone let alone, defenceless beings.

        I’m glad you got away. God knows what would have happened if either of us had stayed. I don’t even want to think about it…

        Thank you for your kind words. You’re an amazing mother yourself. You got yourself and your child away from an awful situation. xx

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  3. I might regret this question, but Persia, hon, what the crud put that mark on your arm? I have a mark on my right thigh where he broke a board across my leg. The bruise was there forever. It’s faded enough now where there is just cluster of spider veins… with a white rectangle in the center from the end of the board.

    Unfortunately (and please understand I am exercising extreme control of my words right now), it is too common that men start physically abusing the mother of their child during pregnancy. I assume it’s a combination of jealousy that you will be putting more attention on the child than him, maybe resentment for you “trapping” him, and probably also because now the man feels they have the woman trapped. Also, being a #*$*$*#*%*#*(#$#(* has something to do with this. Translate the symbols as you wish.

    Even though I know how prevalent this is, it never fails to shock me. Why would someone harm the person bearing them a child? Why would someone harm the person who, because of pregnancy, needs extra care? Why would someone not cherish this?

    Just more proof that I don’t need as to how strong you are.

    And yes animal abusers move to killing animals and quite often to abusing torturing, and killing their victims. Makes me wonder about things Kevin has really done and how much I DONT know about the women he abused before me. I know he used to deliberately do things to his pets when he was young, he knows too much about what bullets do when the enter the flesh, how the gun feels and recoils when it fires… All things I never want the answer to, because there is only one way to get it.

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    • I don’t mind you asking at all. In fact was was meant to out it in the post, but Little Man wanted mummy’s attention, so I forgot.

      He pushed me over as I was taking some dry cat food from a large plastic bucket/container. The edges weren’t smooth, so I sliced my arm on it. I cannot bear the thought that anyone suffered to the degree that I did or that I’ hearing about.I wish I stood alone in the pain and suffering just so I could free others from it. I’m sorry for what Kevin did to you :(.

      My pregnancy experience with him was awful. But, when I heard Max’s heart beat and saw him kicking in the scans, it made me forget for just a moment, that I was suffering. He really is a blessing to me.

      *Steve was battering animals from the age of six. If he didn’t get his own way. As you can see, he’s progressed from that, to killing them, to battering me.

      I don’t want you to find out that way, or any other way for that matter. Some things are just better left as is.

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  4. There is so much in this post Persia, again I am horrified at what you endured with this person and shudder to think he is still out there having never changed. I feel compelled to emphasize the animal abuse points you made, when in a support group with men and women half of the group objected when I said that my ex “blew up frogs as a child with firecrackers” was one of the red flags I downplayed. It was written off as “every little boy does that” in America. NO THEY DO NOT! Animal cruelty is a major red flag of a disordered, violent person of whatever title you want to assign and young people need to be made aware of such red flags and not taught it is “normal.” Thank you again for yet another brave post.

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    • Those men listed as animal abusers went on to murder people. In fact, I watched a programme the other day (can’t remember what it was called), but this guy was crazy I tell you. He would go get kittens, the film himself – less his face – murdering them. He got them used to him, then suffocated on in a plastic bag; another he drowned. He wanted something bigger though. He could do that easily. He ended up murdering a student.

      It is the ultimate fantasy of animal abuser. People need to wake up to this. It is not normal behaviour.

      Thank you for reading my post and for your comment.

      Much love. xx

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  31. I knew you had problems with your ex husband but not to this extent. What a nut case this idiot.
    Should have called me earlier, I might be a bit cripple now but I can sure handle these crazy bastards and give them some of their own medicine. Glad you´re doing much better now. And now I do understand why all the positive quotes.

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