My Precious Girls, Oxanna And Phoenix

oxy & fifi

(Oxy -tortoiseshell; Fi-Fi – grey and white)

This too painful to even think of what to write. I started this post on March 29th, and haven’t been able to continue. Apologies if there are any typos, as I will not be reading back over this post (as I normally do) to correct them.

The last of my kittens, Oxanna Monroe and Phoenix Azalea (Oxy and Fi-Fi for short), were meant to follow me back to the UK. Because of new rules for pets to travel, I couldn’t take them with me when I initially left on March 12th 2013. At this time, *Steve still wanted to believe we were still together, which bought me time to try and raise funds for my beautiful girls.

Everything was going OK. His Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH) was coming through, as well as his unemployment money. He agreed to get the girls micro-chipped (he had previously spent the money for this a few months earlier), and to make sure their shots and paperwork were up to date, and he agreed that he would pay for their travel.  I wanted them so bad and boy, did he know it. I’d had them since they were around five to six weeks old. They helped me through my pregnancy. Oxy was a ‘tomboy’. Fi-Fi was a diva who loved to look at herself in the mirror. When Max was born, it was literally impossible to keep Oxy out of his crib. She’d creep in there and sleep at his feet. I guess she was protecting him.

I had already told him we were over, but Steve insisted we weren’t, and even went as fair as to post  how he missed his family on Facebook (as in Max and I). Whatever. As long as he was treating and feeding the girls well, I played along with it. It wasn’t long before I noticed that he was acting odd. My girls were starting to look scared, especially Fi-Fi, when I asked him to take pictures of them to send to me. He told me there was nothing wrong, but I knew in my heart there was.

He would tell me he didn’t want to part with them as it would mean he wouldn’t have any of his family around him.

Then he started to threaten me that he would “accidentally on purpose” misplace my cats. I was thrown into panic mode.

He sent me an email on May 28th that he had taken them to the pound via email.

He did the same again the next day May 29th. I asked him which pound, but he refused to tell me.

I called around. Nothing. By May 31st I reported them missing.

Fast forward… I got online for almost six painstaking weeks looking for Oxy and Fi-Fi…

On July 10th 2013, with the help of Angels Among Us Pet Rescue (AAU) and other animal advocates, I managed to track down my girls at Cobb County Pound, Georgia. Fi-Fi had been euthanized on June 10th. She had been in the pound for 10 days. Oxy was euthanized ten days after her sister on June 20th. My precious girls were dead.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t function. I couldn’t do anything.

I can’t even begin to imagine how they felt in their last days separated from one another, in cages. They were so close.

Upon calling the pound, I asked the woman who answered the phone to explain what the hell had happened. She said Fi-Fi was scared and had become vicious so had to be put to sleep. As for Oxy, she had contracted Upper Respiratory Infection (URI). Bullshit. That’s a high kill pound, and if Steve had checked it out, he would have known that… or maybe the c**t did. (Sorry, I’m getting really angry again. I only use that word in extreme circumstances). It’s just what staff had decided to put on their records. I went on to ask who turned them in. She said the owner did. I asked her who the owner was. She couldn’t tell me, so I told her his full name. She said yes, it was him. “He wasn’t the owner” I told her. “He said he was“.  OK. There was one way to solve who the owner was. She had the micro-chips. I told her which site to go on.

There was silence.

I’m so sorry…

She couldn’t stop apologising to me. I had indeed proved, that not only was I the owner, and my friends were listed as their next of kin with all her details available, but that they were also reported missing the same day he had taken them to the pound. Her voice became a whisper as I continued to demand an explanation.

Not one of the fuckers had scanned my girls to check whether or not they had micro-chips. Isn’t that the whole purpose of them?

I can’t go further. It hurts too much. But the post “Facebook Message” whereby I received a message from *Britney relates to this incident. I sent them both a private message saying that my cats had been euthanized, and that I hope they were please with themselves. At first Steve said he couldn’t afford them. Then he said that it was my own fault they had died. I told him that he was a lying murderer and that he should go fuck himself.

Here is a gallery of my girls, playing, sleeping and hugging each other. Just being their usual cute selves.

fifioxyplaying kitties 2

playing kittiessharing a boxsleeping kitties

R.I.P. Oxanna and Phoenix. You must have been so confused. I’m so sorry I had to leave you with that monster. Mummy couldn’t do any better at the time. I thought you would be safe , but I was wrong. I am so sorry I let you down. But please know mummy never abandoned you. I fought for you both, but I ran out of time. A piece of me will be missing for the rest of my life. Not a day goes by when I don’t think of you. I found out you were separated from each other and I am so sorry for that too. I hope you found each other at Rainbow Bridge. We will meet again. I love you both with all my heart. Please forgive me. Lots of love always, Mummy. ❤ ❤ xx

(*Not their real names)

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41 thoughts on “My Precious Girls, Oxanna And Phoenix

  1. Persia, I have known about this almost as long as I have known you, and my heart breaks for you that you are taking the blame for this. You and the girls were both failed multiple times and I assure you that none of it was you. Since they were micro-chipped and they HAD all the necessary contact information they needed and they did not check them, can they not be held responsible for negligence? It will not bring them back, but they must be held accountable for their actions that resulted in the deaths of your daughters. That is what they were to you, and only animal lovers will understand that sentiment.

    While I can’t understand emotion for emotion exactly how you feel, I know the disappearance of Gizmo (momma’s boy if I ever saw one) was not a run-away, and I also know in the days before he disappeared there was a huge wound on his neck. In my heart I know what happened to him even though I can never prove it. And where I live now, there are wild cats that we feed… and three of them look exactly like Gizmo at different points in his growth. It’s torturous because I will never know what really happened to him. And the thought that that beast’s hands could have been holding him and that he could have been in pain cycles and echoes around my head, as well as all the threats he made to hurt and kill him.

    Do I understand you carrying the blame? Of course I do, because so do I, and I am absolutely heart broken.

    *huge hugs*

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    • Yes, they were my daughters, but I didn’t out that as I thought people may view me as crazy. I really did consider them my children. I have been ripped apart by this everyday. I’m in hell about it.

      I’m sorry about Gizmo. I totally understand what you mean about the wild cats reminding you of him. I have a friend who’s such a cat man. Wonderful guy. He owns five himself. Two of them remind me of my girls. I die a little more inside when I see them.

      No kitten or cat can ever replace them. No kitten or cat can never fill the hole in my life that they once filled.Never. Ever. They were a part of me and I shall never forget. I just hope they knew how much I really loved them.

      Hugs right back at you. x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. They were victims too…and they even had microchips! That is maddening! My heart goes out to you as you deal with this ugly reality-he was a monster. Each human/animal relationship is unique. You will not forget the love you shared with your girls…💛

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    • I literally lost the will yo live. It was very clear AND was arranged with police officers that I was going to get them by May 31st. He’s an evil beast – as well as that whore he’s with. Karma. One of them will end up killing the other or something. Oh all five of my kittens/cats will get justice, no matter how long it takes.

      I cannot wait…

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  3. I’m so sorry Persia….and I know those words do not really bring you the peace you need to deal with this. Our pet’s are an extension of our families, and loosing them in such a horrific way makes your pain that much deeper. I wish I had the right words to say. Thank you for sharing this with us, and allowing us to be a part of your journey in healing {and finding peace}. Love and hugs to you!

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    • Sorry, I could not respond straight away. I had to go for a walk. I couldn’t breathe…

      Thank you for wanting to reach out and help me heal. It’s a very difficult journey. Some days, like today I feel like I want to give up. I’m glad I finally wrote this post. It took little over two months. But now it’s out there, and whilst I don’t feel better, I don’t think bottling it up helped. I’m just glad I saw that bitch’s Facebook message last Friday rather than last year when she initially sent it to me.

      Thank you for your continued support. xx

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  4. I am crying. As an animal lover with a cat/2 dogs I understand how deep the love runs. You did you the best you could, you had a baby, no money and on the run. You had to choose and I’m sure it was a hard one to make. Hopefully you can take comfort knowing the med works so fast, they didn’t suffer. It’s a shame the bastard used the cats like a barganing chip. His day of judgement will come and he will pay for all his cruelty. There will come a day when you can open you’re heart to new babies. You can celebrate their life and cherish each memory with a photo when you’re ready. I feel for your pain. Please don’t carry hatred in your heart, it eats away and only hurts you. You’ve come to far. You’re a survivor and as bad as you hurt now, the pain will soften over time. Don’t let him accomplish his goal of hurting you again. Hugs. I’ll be thinking of you.

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    • With tears falling, I needed to see your message. I almost lapse… almost… I just felt all the hate and anger come flooding back. I will say they did suffer. They were separated. They couldn’t live without each other. I can’t bear the thought of my babies caged up like that. It’s killing me. The one year anniversary of their deaths are coming up – Fi-Fi in eight days and Oxy in eighteen days. I think that’s why I am feeling so bad about it. Feels like it happened yesterday.

      I appreciate your comment and know you are right. I just hope they reunited and they know I truly loved them. I would never have done anything to hurt them.

      Much love to you. x

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      • You’re right the did suffer from being separated. God has reunited them and we can take comfort knowing that. The timing of their birthdays adds to your pain and it’s perfectly normal. The feelings of mourning and the deep feeling of love. God will help you as you go thru this hard time. You have to feel it, just like you had to go thru the pain of abuse and trying to leave with your baby. I believe he’ll bring you out better on the other side. Ask for his help, God always hears our call. Hugs.

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      • I ask for God’s help almost everyday. Other days, I don’t ask for anything, but thank Him instead. However, it is hard to keep the faith at the moment. I find myself struggling at times, because I see more bad than good. Earlier today I was fine; right now, I need to see a sign to help me along…

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      • We are human. I’m not miss goody two shoes. I need to thank more. He knows my heart just as he does yours. You have to feel all the feelings just don’t grow hard and carry the baggage around.

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  17. This is such a heartbreaking story, Persia! I completely understand that your girls were your children! There are always many victims in domestic abuse––the innocent animals are among them. My heart simply breaks for you. Your animal advocacy is saving lives! Hugs!

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    • I didn’t know what else to do, apart from to throw myself in to helping to save as many as I can. If I didn’t turn this negative into a positive, with everything else I’d been through, I would have just given up. I have heard a number of survivors say their pets have been victims, and each time I do, it crushes me. I still think of my girls – I don’t think I’ll ever stop.
      Thanks for your comment, support and hugs. xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • That makes so much sense.
        Yes, abusers target everyone for control and terror. Even the animals. It’s so disturbing. Many shelters for those abused now also offer a housing service for pets, as their safety is a factor in whether the woman feels she can leave.
        As a pet Mom (having lost my sweet 14 y-o Maltese 20 days ago) I can only imagine how many triggers you have, leading you to your girls. They are always with you! xxoo

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      • It really is disturbing. Heartbreaking too. It’s good news to hear that many shelters are doing this. A life is a life. I didn’t want to leave my remaining two kitties, but I didn’t have a choice. The guilt…
        I am so sorry about your loss. Hugs. x

        Liked by 1 person

      • Of course you didn’t have a choice. I get that. I can imagine the guilt– even though your mind tells you you did what you had to do. You have a heart and that’s what feels the guilt and pain. I’m so sorry. I know that with every life–animal and human-you rescue, your little angels are lifted. 🐱

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      • Your comment brought me to tears. After all this time, I still cannot let go. I probably would not have become an animal advocate if it were not for them. Several months back, there was a tortie in need of rescue. She looked so much like Oxy. I paid to save her life (I was in the UK, she was in the US). She was saved, and I have never forgotten her. I was allowed to name her, which I did (I did not call her Oxy). I just felt really close to her even though I had never met her. It was like she was a reincarnation of my little one. She’s not the only one I’ve paid to save, but she really stands out. I know I may sound crazy, but my kitties were so precious to me throughout my abuse.
        Thank you for making me rethink my guilt. I am sure at some point, I will be able to let go. xo

        Liked by 1 person

  18. Oh Persia! What a moving story. Can you imagine those sweet ones you have saved? What a gift you have given! You are truly using your grief and loss to bring hope to others.
    My little Scooter was abused before I adopted him at age 2. It, too, was a domestic abuse situation. Who knows what would have happened, had he been forced to stay?. You are giving life to those who face the worst.
    I’m certain that the guilt is debiliating at times. Are you able to find any support group for people who have lost their pets? Or a DV survivor support group?
    I’m trusting for wholeness for you––in time.
    xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so sorry to hear about Scooter. Why are some people so cruel?
      I am part of a group on Facebook called Rainbow Bridge. People post there when their pets have past away, and gain support from others.
      I have been a part of a DV Centre since June 2013.
      I am so glad we have ‘met’ along my Healing Path. Your words are very comforting. Thank you so much. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • I ask the same question: why are some people so cruel? Hurting innocent people or animals? It boggles my mind. All the more reason for people to fight for one another and for precious animals.
        Thank you for the heads up about the FB group. I will certainly check that out. So thankful you’ve also found a DV Centre group.
        Persia, meeting you has been a gift as well. I’m so grateful!
        I wish you peace, rest and comfort, knowing that you have done and are doing all you can to create a beautiful life for your son, yourself, your furry family and all those you encounter. Because of you there is more light and love in this world.
        Blessings and love to you! 💕

        Liked by 1 person

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