Tomorrow Is Making Me Nervous

i will not stress

(I keep telling myself this, but it’s not going very well…)

Yes, that’s right. Tomorrow is making me very nervous. Max is going to meet his grandparents from his father’s side for the first time. Although I am trying not to stress about it, I can’t help it. I just want everything to run smoothly. For Max to love them; for them to love Max. I don’t want any drama. I just want a job, a home and to raise my son in the best way I possibly can, to include both mine and my (ex) husband’s family, which is one of the reasons I left *Steve in the first place.

Life- You

Life has dealt me with unfortunate experiences. I had the most shittiest time with his father, which got progressively worse, right until the end of the relationship, which I chose to terminate. He almost killed me. Not to mention almost killing me during my pregnancy with our son, throughout my second and third trimester through strangulation with his bare hands, and suffocation with a pillow over my face.

I don’t believe I should judge his family on his behaviours, as I’ve met them before, and bar the ill lies he spoke of them, have never had a problem being around them. But so much damage had been done. So much so, it’s quite possible, that any relationship we had is now irreparable.

Whole-heartedly, I believe this was Steve’s intention all along. He didn’t like the fact that we all got on. He did his best to destroy that foundation, and was unfortunately, extremely successful.

My heart is beating abnormally fast…

We’ll see what happens.

(*Not his real name)

15 thoughts on “Tomorrow Is Making Me Nervous

  1. Good luck for tomorrow, Persia. It’s a great thing that you are putting your son first, in giving your ex in-laws the chance to be in his life. My guess is his parents already have a good idea what sort of man their son is.

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    • Thank you. I’m trying to do the right thing, you know? I know them to be family orientated, so…

      They are aware of what he’s like from what their own experiences with him. As well as what I’ve told them has happened to me.

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  2. If anyone has the strength to turn this visit into a positive, it’s you. I think it’s wonderful you want/allow them in his life. If the relationship blooms you’re son receives a precious gift. Be prepared to hear about your ex, have some nice but clear message you don’t want to know. Keep your eyes open for signs the ex wants to join and shut that down. I know you know that, just a reminder in a stressful time. Remind yourself how much you love your son, your putting his needs above your own and try to clear your mind of all the ex said since they were probably lies. Given a chance you might build another support system. I’ll be thinking about you. Let God hold your hand and fill your heart.

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    • Thank you for your beautiful message. My ex’s father and step-mother will not force the issue. They know what has happened. Especially being the only grandson out I’d six grand children, they want a relationship with my son. I have asked them not to let my ex know where I am. I don’t think they will. He has lied to all of us and told lies about all of us – to each other.

      I pray it will go well. Fingers crossed.

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  3. I wish you the best of luck Persia. You are such a beautiful person to be not only open to a relationship with the paternal grandparents but doing your part to make it happen. I hope it all goes well and perhaps you will find Steve* treated his family just the way he treated you and you all will move on in peace. I needed this quote, today I spent too much time worrying about things I cannot control or change.

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    • I’ve known his family for years now. I met them two months after he and I started dating. He treats them badly, believe me. It’s so sad that he does. I can’t believe someone can be this way – especially towards his own family.

      Thank you for your kind words. It would be wonderful if we could all just get along. I can only hope and pray…

      I know what you mean about the quote. I’ve really been trying yo take heed myself. I hope your worry has eased.

      Much love. x

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