You Are Not A Victim

whats right with you


When *Steve’s family suddenly ‘switched’ on me a few months ago, in favour of their son/brother’s actions of having another child (with a third ‘woman’) on the way, even though his son with me is a year old, and he doesn’t support either of the children he already has, his step mother, no doubt with the influence of his father wrote this to me:

Step Mother, 26/06/2014 21:15 – I really don’t want to rehash all of that except for the point that you believed what your internet love of your life who was merely a child 11 years your junior had to say over those who you met a few times and did nothing but welcome you with open arms into their homes. I’m sorry but you might want to rethink your line of work because you are really not very good at reading people. Sure were we wary of you we didn’t know you. We didn’t know your motives, but we welcomed you and was always respectful until you were not. If having a relationship with Max means that we have to constantly be looking over our shoulder than I’m sorry to say that we are not interested. If you don’t trust us than I’m sorry for that and that is your issue. Steve is our son and brother so at some point if he was ready then a relationship was going to be tried to be rebuilt. We were trying to build a relationship with you even after all that YOU did and said. Do not put that blame on Steve as the last time I checked you were a grown educated and worldly woman.

You are not a victim but just as much a participant in your life and decisions. I hope you never have to go through that with your son.

As you can see. I am being used as a scapegoat. I have never said that Steve was the “love of my life”, well because quite frankly, he wasn’t, although I did love him. In fact, his step mother now looks very silly for saying that he was, because there is no evidence to suggest that I even thought that. However, it has been memorialised by Steve, that I was the love of his life, as well his current girlfriend, and she won’t be the last.

If he was “merely a child”, then how come this child already had a child? Says a lot for their parenting skills, doesn’t it? Maybe if he was raised properly, he wouldn’t need to chase and date older women, thinking it normal to try to get them to support him. If he is “merely a child”, then how come he is having a third child with a third ‘woman’ when he doesn’t support his first two?

According to *Steve his father is approximately fifteen years older than his step mother. I estimate it’s closer to eight years. How come then, the age gap between them his OK? Pot calling the kettle black comes to mind.

bullshit on your lip

I have no idea what she means about “my line of work”, nor did she explain herself. I think she was just just trying to pull something out of her ass, and I must say, she was successful! It didn’t make any sense!

She goes on to say they were always respectful until I was not. So, I guess she believes with all the drama I was dragged into, along with being called a “ni**er” I should have continued to be respectful by not cutting them off? I think she needs to stop and have a long, hard think about what she said/wrote.

As for them looking over their shoulders, again, I have no idea what she’s talking about, because it was not I who was doing anything behind their backs; it was indeed, the other way around. I believe that once they found out Steve’s girlfriend is having a boy, they just became uninterested in my son Max, because they are all used to using children as pawns, or just walking away from them as they simply don’t care, but act like they do.

The Step Mother also points out, from what I understand from this message, that everything that went wrong was my fault. No surprises there. I suggest she takes a look at his rude message which had nothing to do with me. I think she should take a look at her own relationship with his father, who is always stating that he is going to kill her/have her killed – which might I add, I do not find funny.

She then pulls off with another bullshit statement – that I’m a educated and worldly woman. What has that got to do with anything? She does make me laugh. I understand she was struggling to insult me so had to say something. She’s a first class idiot. Just like the rest of them. Here’s my response:


Me, 26/06/2014 21:44 – You’re entitled to your opinion, but it is very rare for a person to hear that something has been said about them – especially something as degrading as the “n” word, and turn around and actually ask that person if they actually said it.

Yes, I am a grown adult, but HE chased me for ages, not the other way round. I am not the first person who has dated someone younger than me, nor will I be last. It all depends on the individual. He came across as a man, but you are right, he was merely a child. A man would never treat a woman the way he has treated me, not would he not support his own children.

“Internet Love Of My Life” – I think you will find I was supposedly the love of his life, as he made sure he plastered that everywhere. As for internet dating, it’s becoming more and more popular these days, so it’s not a big deal. It’s just about how people portray themselves and about them being honest. I’m not ruling it out. I’d do it again, as many people do. It doesn’t mean because you meet someone on the street, in a bar, etc, they will be any better.

My line of work? You’ll need to explain that one, because my line of work is raising my son on my own.

And what were my motives? The last time I checked, I didn’t have any. I’ve said this before.

If you feel you have to constantly look over your shoulder to be a part of Max’s life, then I’m sorry, but I cannot help you. As I said, if you want to know anything about him, you only have to ask.

I tried to build a relationship with you ALL after hearing all the bad things you all said about me. So either you all did say the things he said you did about me, or he’s lying… so, I believe I can throw blame in his direction if what he said was in fact, untrue.

You mentioned I was rude earlier. If you really want to know what rude is, please take a look at the message(s) that your own son sent you when his Step Mother told him he had to pay for the car, not to mention the message he sent you you all, when I was still in the UK and knew nothing about. The one where he says *Anna owed him money, plus more.

I am not a victim? So I asked him to rape me during my pregnancy? I asked to try to strangle me to death? I asked him to put a pillow over my face, plus more? Those were my decisions? I guess so, according to you.

My son will turn out very different to that of his father, because he won’t be around him for Max to see domestic violence and to continue the cycle.

I wish you all the best. I don’t have any ill-will against any of you. Nor any ill motives. In fact, once again, I have no motives against you at all, only for Max to know his family and have some sort of relationship your son didn’t allow when I was with him.

I’m going to go now. As you know, I am raising Max by myself.

Also, as I said, you can contact me at any time about Max.

Take care of yourselves.

Lots of love, Max & I. xx


i survived

(“I Survived domestic Violence. I Spoke Up. I Chose To Live”).

Thank you Steve’s Step Mother for reminding me that I am not a victim. I was a victim. I am now a survivor. There is a difference indeed. You’re the victim, but choose to ignore that fact, when his father is mentally and emotionally abusing you, by threatening you with your life and acting as if it’s a joke, and when he is making you cry by saying you can’t fit into your en-suite bathroom, so it has to be re-modernised because you’re too fat. Not to mention that he settled with you because the woman he actually wanted to be with decided to be with another man. This is just to name a few.

Good luck to you.

9 thoughts on “You Are Not A Victim

  1. Wow~ what i find funny {although i know it is not to you}, is that she tried to discredit you by making a statement on the age difference. But what the stupid woman didn’t realize by doing that is, yes, you may have been older, which therefore made you wiser to Steve’s bullshit and then calling him out on it. Also about the internet dating crap…I don’t know how OLD this step-MONSTER is, but apparently she does not live in the year 2014. 😉 and typical of her to use you as the scapegoat. Isn’t that what fucked up people do? {sorry for the F-word} …but just in case those crazy jerk ass*s read your blog, they won’t have to guess at what I’m calling them! 🙂 keep that beautiful head up! Your son is a reflection of you and you alone. You have not allowed their toxicity into his life!


    • The age difference is all she had, BUT compared to his father, she isn’t far off from Steve and I’s age difference. But yes, you are right, it made me wiser to his bullshit. And boy, he didn’t like that!

      Using me as a scapegoat is exactly what fucked up people do (no need for apologies for swearing!). I am aware they were blaming Steve’s daughter’s mother as a scapegoat before I came along.

      All this and more is the reason I cut these crazy people out of my life – as well as Max. My son is growing up beautifully. Knowing it is wrong to hit people (especially women) and treating animals with compassion is the right thing to do.

      Thank you as always Tela. You made me laugh. Much love to you. Mwahhh!


  2. “There is none so blind as those who do not wish to see”. Another fabulous example of people refusing to see loved ones for who they truly are, and even acknowledging someone may be less than perfect. None of us are perfect, but it doesn’t mean we all have to act like assholes, either.
    With each interaction you have with these people, it just confirms that you are a survivor, and nothing but good can come out of that. The pictures you have used between this post really made me laugh. Some times laughter really is the best medicine.


    • I love the quote. It is absolutely true.
      His family behave like this all the time. Year after year I saw them fall out with one another, blame each other, blame outsiders – the drama is never ending. I tried to involve them in my son’s life, but I am not going to be used as a scapegoat because they cannot admit their wrongs, and because they cannot admit the whole family needs psychological help, so had to distance myself from it all once and for all. Others have walked away, but I stayed and fought. They’re not used to that. I bet they hate me because I retaliate and talk. I love it.
      Laughter is the best medicine, which is why that is exactly what I do when I read over the communication between them and myself. Laugh my head off. Glad I made you laugh. I’ve found some really funny, sarcastic quotes and pictures. There are many more to come! 😀


  3. Pingback: The Boy Is Mine « Blog Of A Mad Black Woman

  4. Pingback: You Are My Daughter And Max My Heir « Blog Of A Mad Black Woman

  5. Pingback: Thanks For Keeping Me In His life « Blog Of A Mad Black Woman

Please feel free to leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s