For those of you who have seen the film ‘The Silence of the Lambs‘, this is exactly how I felt in my relationship with my (ex) husband. Of course, this was after I moved to the US. It was the craziest and most painful time of my life, but I am very thankful I got out when I did – and with my son.
I hate to imagine my son continuing the Abuse Cycle had I have stayed with his father *Steve.
Now, he can “place the lotion in the basket” himself because I am free, despite him telling me “Good Luck” on getting away from him on many occasions.
I no longer have to pretend everything is going to be OK.
I no longer have to keep quiet about things which have happened.
I no longer have to hear bullshit about him pretending to suffer from PTSD, so he “doesn’t have to work for the rest of his life”, as well as other lies.
I no longer have to worry from one day to the next as to whether or not Max and I will have a roof over our heads.
I no longer have to sleep in a cold car in the parking lot of a twenty-four hour Walmart in the middle of winter, using the store’s restroom to freshen up.
I no longer have to wear pyjamas walking down the street, whilst he wears new clothes.
I no longer have to hear him tell me I have clothes to wear, which were his hand me down male clothes because he was getting bigger in size by the minute, due to all the junk food he eats.
I no longer have to worry about where my son’s next meal is coming from because his father is too busy filling his own gut, and buying cigars and cigarettes.
I no longer have to watch that ghastly asshole eat whole meals in front of me, whilst I am weak from hunger and abuse.
I no longer have to worry about my son and I freezing to death because we don’t have coats to keep us warm during the winter.
Last, but not least, I no longer have to worry about whether or not I will die at the hands of my (ex) husband, through suffocation with a pillow or strangulation, or be beaten to death with an object or with his bare hands – whilst my son is watching.
Instead, I will be able to watch my son grow into what will hopefully be, a fine young man.