I was reminded of this post on Facebook this morning. On this day, three years ago I wrote:
Sorry, this is a long but meaningful post…
A year ago today, the exact time (Eastern Time), stood in Aldi with just the clothes on my back (to include broken footwear) with my 5 day old son, to do some Christmas food shopping. I had $11 (approximately £8) in total. There was no Christmas Tree. No presents. No food. Just a small, cramped, draughty, mould infested room that we were due to get kicked out of 4 days before Christmas if rent money wasn’t found.
Just the day before, I was handed 2 cannisters of formula from a paediatrician for free because she could see the state I was in. I couldn’t say anything because I was so ashamed that I was put in such a situation by someone else. I suppose as a mother herself, she could sense something was wrong. I cried. Max had food for at least 2 weeks. Bearing in mind just a day earlier at just 3 days old, my son had run out of formula Wellstar Kennestone Hospital had kindly given me, knowing I was in need.
I found a way to get formula. Thank God for Babies “R” Us taking international payments online, otherwise Max would have gone hungry as I didn’t have my credit card on me. I’d spoken to my mother a few months earlier who gave me my credit card details to write down in case of an emergency. I refused to tell her, the rest of my family and my friends what was going on.
All this suffering and pain caused by Max’s father because he’s selfish and only thought about himself. Cigars, cigarettes and junk food for him were more important than making sure his son was fed, and had a roof over his head – despite the amount of money we initially had. It was all gone due to his reckless spending. His behaviour was shabby to say the least. That’s putting it mildly. This is just a “taste” of what I experienced out in the US with him. I walked away from him and have never looked back.
However, I have forgiven him – not just because God says I have to, but so I can find peace within myself. I don’t want Max growing up seeing me bitter and twisted. I will never forget though. Ever.
This year Max is so spoilt! No where near going hungry or homeless because of an irresponsible father. In fact, he has a Christmas Tree, food in abundance, no mould and Christmas will be celebrated as I know it. The roof is permanent for as long as I need/want it.
I only want 2 presents this year and I already have them. 1) My son Maximus and 2) the knowledge that he will never remember the poverty he was unnecessarily born into. The cost? Priceless. The best things in life are free.
If I don’t get a chance to post a status closer to Christmas, have a blessed one all. Sending love from Max and I.♡X♡X
As time has gone by, even though I am not where I thought I would be, I look back and realise things could be a lot worse. Just like they were back then.
I am thankful I am no longer in such a situation, but more so, I am thankful that my little boy does not know the poverty he was unnecessarily born into, by the actions of someone who should have known better. Someone who was supposed to make sure he was provided for, rather than just thinking about himself. I cannot fathom how someone could/can behave in such a way, and think it’s OK.
Well, it is not OK. But fortunately, my son knows he can rely on at least one person… me, his mother.