I Should Have Kicked His Ass And His Mother’s As Well

pretending to be nice

*Steve’s father had asked me if I knew of his whereabouts. I told him what I knew, which was that he was in Marietta, Georgia. To be brutally honest, I couldn’t care less where he was at the time of this conversation, just like I couldn’t care less now.

His Father, 19:54, 12 Dec 2013: Well let’s see what we can find out. His ass will be in jail very soon if he doesn’t start supporting his children.

Me, 20:01, 12 Dec 2013: I know. Child Support told me.  The worst thing is I told him to pay what he could and if he was having a difficult month financially,  to let me know. That way he wouldn’t have to make a payment for until he’d sorted himself out. This was AFTER what he’d done to me. He said an amount he could afford.  I said OK. He never paid a dime, so unfortunately,  I had to take “the law” route.

Me, 20:01, 12 Dec 2013: I’ve tried to work with him, but he says I’m taking advantage of him even though he owes me $15,000.

Me, 20:02, 12 Dec 2013: I know I’ll never see that money. I’ve just given up with him.

Me, 20:03, 12 Dec 2013: What would you say to him if you did find him?

His Father, 20:05, 12 Dec 2013: That is something I need to study on. I view him as a sorry ass, deluded, immature, manipulative child, who does not, and never had an excuse to deal with his family the way he has. I would go as far as let him beat the hell out of me, just to prove to him how dasterdly he has behaved. But, only once.

Me, 20:09, 12 Dec 2013: Oh my…

Me, 20:11, 12 Dec 2013: I really wish I could have helped him. I loved him and was ready to stand by him through thick and thin. He just didn’t want to be helped. Hus treatment to me was so poor, I couldn’t begin to explain the pain he has caused and inflicted upon me.

Me, 20:11, 12 Dec 2013: *His treatment

His Father, 20:08, 12 Dec 2013: He was raised to do what is right, because it is right, and leave the consequences to God. That has not changed.

Me, 20:13, 12 Dec 2013: He didn’t like the way I made him send his daughter presents. I tried to get him to work things out with you guys. He told everyone on Facebook that I turned his mother against him – even though they didn’t and still don’t get on.

Me, 20:13, 12 Dec 2013: His current “fiancee” doesn’t encourage him to do what’s right, and he likes that.

His Father, 20:12, 12 Dec 2013: He was spoiled. I should have kicked his ass and his mothers as well. If anything I am guilty of being too, gentle with him. No mas!

Me, 20:17, 12 Dec 2013: He’s so spiteful to me after everything I’ve done for him – to include saving his army career as they wanted to chapter him for not meeting tape, being rude and lazy. I begged the First Sargent to let him work out his contract.

Me, 20:18, 12 Dec 2013: I’m the reason he was able to leave once his contract expired and not be kicked out.

Me, 20:20, 12 Dec 2013: I loved him so much,  I fought for him and got the army (so to speak) to back off and leave him alone. They even gave us Tricare to June 2nd 2013, even though he left the army December 4th 2012.

Me, 20:22, 12 Dec 2013: They had said he wouldn’t necessarily get it. But I explained to the first Sargent that I was pregnant and we’d be homeless sooner rather than later and couldn’t pay for medical care.

She took pity on me.

Me, 20:23, 12 Dec 2013: We become homeless anyway,  sleeping in the car in Walmart Parking Lot.

Me, 20:24, 12 Dec 2013: No one can say I didn’t try! I almost lost my sanity helping him, and returned to England half the woman I was and very broken.

Me, 20:25, 12 Dec 2013: With literally just the clothes on my back which included his hand-me-down clothes.

His Father, 20:22, 12 Dec 2013: Do you want justice or revenge?

Me, 20:26, 12 Dec 2013: I asked him to send my Psychology degree certificate to my PO Box along with my graduation book. He said his fiancee threw them away. How spiteful can someone be?

Me, 20:26, 12 Dec 2013: Now I have to pay for another one and I can’t afford it!

Me, 20:27, 12 Dec 2013: I’ve been asked this question before…

His Father, 20:23, 12 Dec 2013: And?

Me, 20:28, 12 Dec 2013: God says I have to forgive him. Although I’m trying my best,  I have no choice but to leave it in God’s hands. Revenge would make me as bad as he. I cannot seek revenge.

His Father, 20:31, 12 Dec 2013: Well said. However, revenge is best saught through living well. Believe me, I grew up on the hard streets of New York with poor excuses for parents, survived combat and graduated magna cum laude, in spite of my parents hurtful treatment. That felt so good. Put him out of your mind, there is no justice. Just Max, who has family who love him, without condition. Move on for his and your sake, promise you we will come along for the ride:-)

pretty words

Max “has family who loves him without condition“, eh? That’s why I made all the effort for them to be in my son’s life. Not once during nor after my pregnancy did they try. That’s why when they found out Steve and *Britney are having a boy, they decided they didn’t need Max in their lives after all, as he won’t be the only blood grandson any more.

Oh well. Their loss. But then again, this family are very good at not dealing with their responsibilities, lying and being deceitful.

Real Or Fake Message?

never underestimate

After talking to CJC’s father on (via phone) on Monday, June 9th this year, he had required my mobile/cell number. The next day, Tuesday June 10th, he contacted me and asked for the address of where I was staying. I don’t have my own transport, so he and Step Mother would have to come to me for them to be able to meet my son Max for the first time.

They had apparently not seen nor heard from Steve in three years. It wasn’t until I had heard this, that I gave my location details.

Out of the blue, I received the following private message from his eldest sister MT via her father’s Facebook account:

His Father, 10/06/2014 20:27 – Persia, It’s MT…Dad wanted me to let you know that Bear contacted him on here, and has not changed. He was saying that all the horrible things he said to us 2 years ago were “mostly true” and not apologetic. It seems to us that he is just trying to recruit us all back for team CJC and we are all tired of it. We all want to be clear that we aren’t taking anyone’s side, all the bad stuff that happened went on when we had been cut off from you guys. We are here now, to be a family and protect each other and be there for Max. Dad wants to be honest with you and let you know that we heard from Bear and send you a copy of our response. This has been so hard on all of us and we just can’t take the drama any more and we are hoping to be able to move forward and know Max with no agenda on our part. Here is a copy of the response we all wrote together to send him

(Please note that “Bear” is CJC’s childhood nickname).

 

 complete opposite

Is this a coincidence or what? And it sure as shit is a change of tune from MT being my main informant, cussing both CJC and FE. Also, it changed from three years via phone since they’d heard from him, to two years in this message.

So this is the message they had “written together” relating to a previous post “Rude Message“, copied, pasted and sent to me on June 10th…

Today His Father 1:23pm His Father

Son,

First of all let me say this: you were not the reason I was in the hospital. I chose to go in of my own accord. This was for the good of my grandbabies, who are and will always be, the center of my life. Their well-being is paramount to me and I knew that if I took the right steps I could be in a better position to care for them. So thank you for your obvious concern for my health but rest-assured, your Step Mother and your sisters were here for me throughout and I am better than ever.

Second, I was saddened to see that even now you cannot go without blaming others for your actions. I don’t mean this is in a cruel way, but as your father I am going to be as blunt and honest with you as you chose to be with me. Persia did not force you to cut your family off. You chose to do that. You pitted this family against one another and when that no longer gave you the thrill you desired, you chose to cut all ties. That was you, Son. You can’t blame anyone else for your actions anymore. It’s weakness to do so and I won’t waste my time listening to it.

Third, you will no longer use other family members in a bid for my affection or sympathies. Your mother and the relationship I had with her is none of your business. Using her as a scapegoat every time you need someone to hold hands and commiserate with is not going to work. If you cannot respect the women in your life then do not mention them at all. A real man would never throw his mother under the bus in a desperate attempt at making himself feel vindicated. And may I just add that a few years ago it was actually *Dawn who you compared to your mother in defense of Persia and now you are comparing Persia to your mother. Perhaps Son, you have a messed up view of women and should seek counseling for it.

Fourth, you sent me this last message and said “…that doesn’t mean what I wrote wasn’t for the most part true…” and that is where you have lost a chance at moving me to accepting my son back with open arms. The things you said were not true. Period. This family has loved you deeply and sincerely for your entire life. That doesn’t mean that we will kowtow to you, or allow you to manipulate our feelings in accordance to whatever drama is currently taking place in your life. I did my best for you as a father and I have apologized for what shortcomings I have. Despite what you may believe, I spent the majority of your childhood working my fingers to the bone for you and your sisters. A true alcoholic can’t even lift their head off the kitchen table to save themselves from drowning in their soup, let alone hold down the kind of jobs that I have worked. So take your lies and your excuses, pack them up with your cruelty and call them your family if you must. Until you can apologize to everyone in this family and mean what you say, save your breath.

You will always be loved, Son. You are our Bear and every single person in this family has shed tears at the loss of the sweet and gentle boy we remember. If you truly want a reconciliation then it’s up to you. As the Patriarch of this family I will speak up as the representative of your Step Mother, Anna, *Amber, their husbands, and your Mother, as well as my grandchildren. You need to take a look at your loyalties and the hurt you have caused to the people who have loved and still love you unconditionally. However, as a family we will not be treated with the disrespect and cruelty you have shown to each of us and as a father I take no sides. We will not be dragged in to any further drama between you and Persia or even Dawn. Your Step Mother and I will continue being grandparents to your children in whatever capacity we are able. The pride we felt for your honorable service to this country should have been obvious to you with the letters, care packages, the trip to Montana with you, the co-signing of your vehicle (which by the way was orchestrated and accomplished only through the love of your Step Mother who’s face you spat in) and all the other ways we tried to support you and show you our affection. Until you can treat your own children and care for them as is your responsibility as a man, I cannot go further in a relationship with you. That is not to say that you cannot try contacting the other members of the family, but understand that this letter is from your family. If the day comes when you truly wish for a relationship with us, we will be here. Same as we always are and always have been. Drama-free, honest, loyal, and filled with thanks-giving. You are in our prayers and we will always love you.

His Father, 10/06/2014 20:28, (sent to me from Anna via his father’s account) – We want to be honest with you, so you know that we have no ulterior motive to being in touch with you, and Dad has no ulterior motive in meeting up with you. None of us mentioned that you are in town to him.

don't have to remember

Real or fake message? I ask because shortly after this, one by one his family befriended CJC, as well as his pregnant girlfriend FE who they all said they wanted nothing to do with. Not to mention, he certainly is not treating “his own children and care for them” otherwise he wouldn’t have had his driver’s licence suspended since December 4th last year, nor would he be in arrears with payments. (He currently owes $4,779.61 for his son alone plus this months payment in addition).

I’d like to point out, there was nothing honourable about his service. Well, maybe in the beginning (I cannot say as I was not around), but sure as hell not at the end. One can read all about me saving him from being kicked out of the army.

So his father’s grandbabies are they centre of his life? Funny that, because I don’t get that impression at all. He may make more of an effort with the one on the way, by the son he must really be proud of, who has three children by three different women, who knows? Miracles are known to happen.

To add to this, MT’s change of tune and her saying in a nutshell, that we weren’t allowed to talk about the bad things CJC has put me though, and how we must put it in the past and move on, did not sit right with me. So the next morning, Wednesday June 11th, I asked when did her father receive this message from CJC. It took her a full eight hours to get back to me saying that it was sent in April this year, but her father didn’t see it until Monday June 9th.

MT had forgotten what she had said to me the day before about when the message was seen. She had actually told me the message was seen the same day they had informed me that CJC had been in touch which was Tuesday June 10th. Now she was saying it was the day before I had given his father my address.

I guess it was fake. Just like them.

Please Call Me… Dad Preferably

(Image: whatsappforpc.in)

*Steve’s father and I would communicate via Facebook (private message) every so often, but more so via Whatsapp. I would send pictures of my son Max to him, as I was not allowed to communicate with his family whilst I was with Steve. I’d always fought with him to allow them to be in his life, but because Max was the only blood grandson, Steve wanted to spite them. That’s how evil he is.

Me, 01:09, 14 Sept 2013 : There are so many photos!!!

His Father, 01:08, 14 Sept 2013: Thanks soo much:-):-)!!!!

Me, 01:11, 14 Sept 2013: You’re welcome. I can send you photos from earlier if you like.  These are recent.

His Father 01:12, 14 Sept 2013: His left ear is tilted at the top ever so slightly:-). This a family trait.

Me, 01:15, 14 Sept 2013: You noticed!

Me, 01:16, 14 Sept 2013: I can’t believe he’s 9 months old.

His Father, 01:16, 14 Sept 2013: It does go quick :-(. Gotta charge up

Me, 01:19, 14 Sept 2013: OK. We can “talk” tomorrow. It’s 01:20 here (back in the UK… for now).

Me, 01:19, 14 Sept 2013: Good night 😙

 

Me, 14:00, 15 Sept 2013: Sorry I didn’t contact you yesterday. Here’s another picture, taken in June.

Me, 4:01, 15 Sept 2013: He’s such a fun baby!

Me, 19:52, 26 Sept 2013: Hello Grandad! I like the taste of my big toe…

 

His Father, 23:48, 22 Oct 2013: What a punkin! Do you have an address for his father? Its time for a face to face come to jesus. I swear he will never know who gave me the address.

Me, 23:57, 22 Oct 2013: Hello Mr. “Xxxxxxxxx”. Unfortunately he moved from the Extended Stay Hotel but I don’t know to where. (We were living there because he ran us into debt so we were homeless. When I was heavily pregnant we had to sleep in the car…). All I know it’s still around the Marietta, GA area. He took all the furniture I bought out of my own money to set up home with his current “woman”. I’m sorry.

Me, 00:01, 23 Oct 2013: If I knew, I wouldn’t have minded if you told him I told you. I’m no longer afraid of him. Thank you for thinking of me though. I tried to help him and was definitely there for him, but he clearly doesn’t want to be helped. I just wanted to let you know, I was in the relationship for yhe long haul. I would have done anything (legal) for your son. I just wish he accepted my help.

His Father, 00:06, 23 Oct 2013: Ok hon, please call me “Xxxxx” or dad, dad preferably (Sp). If you do find an address let me know as I will confront him. Enough is enough, he was NOT raised to be what he has become and I want to make sure he knows the full weight of this family doesn’t approave of his behavior. God bless. My home is always open to my daughter and my grandbaby, never, ever forget that sweetheart. Love to you both.

Me, 00:14, 23 Oct 2013: Thank you Dad. I will let you know as soon as I find out…if I do. I wish he hadn’t been physically (and mentally abusive) to me. I would have taken him back. But it’s gone to far. I still bare the scars. My knee still clicks from when he dislocated it on my birthday, March 6th this year. God bless you and Haia too. I’m still sorry I believed him rather than asking questions. I will always regret that. Thank you for your kindness/kind words. Thank you for “listening”. I really appreciate it. Love you too.

His Father, 00:18, 23 Oct 2013: We are family honey. Don’t regret, fear, or feel we stand in judgement. We just love you and Max, period. I’m so sorry he put his hands on you, and abused you. As long as I live and am able to move…he won’t ever do that again.

Me, 00:36, 23 Oct 2013: I can’t even begin to explain what he’s done to me. I don’t feel comfortable telling you either – only because I don’t want to upset you. I still can’t believe it all.

I’ve had x-rays on my knee done here in the UK, and they seem fine. I’m also seeing a councillor from a Domestic Violence Group. I’m getting there, but the progress is slow.

 He even broke my laptop so I couldn’t use Skype and my phone so I couldn’t communicate with the outside world.

I swear the amount of times I thought suicide was the only way out is unreal. I was in two minds about saying something because I didn’t think anyone would believe me.

I’m sure you don’t want to hear any more, and I don’t blame you because he’s your son,  so it must be hard.

I loved him so much and really wanted us to be a family. Unfortunately, he’s his own worst enemy. I don’t know what to do about that.

You know the odd thing about it all? I still miss him every now and then because I know he does need help, and through our relationship, I was always there for him. I really suffered, but still, I stood by his side.

I know he wasn’t raised this way, but all one can do is raise their child(ren) to the best of their ability.

So here I am being honest and opening up to Steve’s father, and trying to make him and the rest of his family a part of my son’s life.

Yet, they turn on me…

His Eldest Sister Was My Main Informant

if youre wondering

Oh yes, she was. Due to the time difference, I would get messages from *Anna at all hours of the night, telling me what *Steve and/or his girlfriend had been up to – without me asking. At one point, she even told me to keep the screen shots as evidence.

So before anyone else decides to accuse me of ‘stalking‘ anyone, know your circle.

Just saying…

I Hope You’re In Atlanta To Reunite With My Son

two faced people

His mother, 08/06/2014 13:32 – I have to say that a small (unrealistic, I know) part of me hopes that you are in Atlanta to reunite with my son. Like I say, my head knows that will never happen, but my heart still hopes. Anyway, if you want to me to call, just message me on here what time you’ll be available and I will call you back. Love you and Max very much!

Me, 08/06/2014 15:14 – I always knew you wanted me to reunite with your son. Just things you’ve said over the past year or so. Here’s my view on that thought… Things could have gone very differently had he just seeked help as I encouraged him to. I had always been there for him. So I would have quite possibly considered a reunion if:

1) If he had not (tried) to tar my name by dragging my name through the mud, announcing on Facebook ,tagging in nearly 100 people that I was the abusive one, to try to cover his tracks by acting like the victim after what he put me through.

2) He had at least tried to support his son and daughter. He has my contact details – my UK cell number, email address, US P.O. Box address, plus my Bank of America bank account details.

3) Hooked up with the skank he is with just to try to spite me. (It backfired very badly, as he wanted me to fight her for him, but I refused). And I am not calling her a skank out of bitterness – she truly is one. I mean he claimed that he was bettering himself, but when I returned with the cops last year to collect my things, there was cat poo and pee everywhere, dirty dishes, the room stank, they both looked awful, I mean come on… Plus this girl, who in turn is helping him to slag me off, has a criminal record from shoplifting WHILST pregnant and served time, who has done nothing with her life apart from work in Waffle House. This dirty thing he’s with is so uncouth, she posted on Facebook that she had had sex with him 2 weeks into their relationship for all to see, as well as posting else where that a) one morning she wanted early morning sex but he didn’t because he was going to college and, b) one day she wanted sex but he woke up without a boner. What kind of decent being talks like that for all to see?! Not to mention she’s a lot like your son… she doesn’t know her daughter nor does she support her, just so she can have the lifestyle she wants with no responsibility. According to what your son told her, he left me for her (which isn’t true of course), so what type of person is she if she is willing to be the other woman/homewrecker? I suppose once in the gutter, one will only ever find in the gutter.

There are more, but I will not go into detail. I’m sure you get the gist of it. Despite all the physical, financial, mental, emotional, and verbal abuse, had he have seeked help and not got with this tramp (I’m not even sure whether or not they’re still together), who has slept around, so quite possibly has a STD, there is a very slim chance we would have gotten back together. Slim, because once the abuse starts, it generally never stops. But a chance none the less.

He ruined any chances of us saving our ill-fated marriage. Which is a shame because I married him to stay with him for the rest of my life (not for a Green Card as I have my own country and could of gotten one on my own merits anyway). We had our own little family and things could have and and would have been beautiful had it not been for him. I would have supported and loved him until the day I died had he just gotten the help he clearly needs.

After everything, if I got back with him, I’d be nothing more than stupid. Stupid I am not.

The shame he has brought upon himself is more than enough for me not to take him back. The disgusting whore he’s with is enough for me not to take him back. I wouldn’t touch him after she has. No way.

My family and friends would probably form a lynch mob for me. There is no way they would tolerate me taking him back after he left his then, 4 month old son and wife homeless, broke and hungry. We’re still homeless and broke. I cannot even afford where I am staying now, and just pray I find the money to pay for our stay here. One of Max’s Godmother’s paid for our return tickets for me to come here to sort things out.

Child support only trickled in for 8 weeks from his job. I have no idea what has happened. Max still needs diapers, food, clothes. I cannot have your son as my son’s role model for they cycle will continue.

If it’s any consolation, the tiniest part of me wishes your son and I could have the chance to sit and talk to see what we could come up with. I do understand where you are coming from. Without sounding full of myself, I am and will always be the best thing that ever happened to your son. I was the one who offered him a decent path to walk down whilst I held his hand, helping him along the way. My hands are tied.

His Mother, 08/06/2014 16:40 – And may I say that is the only reason that I held out hope. But then, I always thought I could help his father, and we had a good life for a few years, but it didn’t last. Nobody deserves to be treated the way Steve treated you

 I have been so proud of you for the strength you showed, although I know it couldn’t have been easy, to build a life for you and Max. My son has burned his bridges and doesn’t appear to care, does he? I’ll be praying things turn out well for your plans.

Three weeks after this conversation, she befriended *Steve’s girlfriend *Britney.

Under a picture Steve posted after apparently doing Britney’s hair, his mother wrote “Way to treat your woman son! How did it turn out?”.

What a two-faced hypocrite.

Steve And Britney

both of them 2

(Please note, he did not look like this when I met him!).

I’ve known for quite some time, plus had an inkling months ago, but I hear congratulations are in order to the couple – they are expecting! Maybe *Steve and *Britney will be responsible for this child, as they already have three between them they don’t support, live with or know; she has a three year old daughter (the one she was pregnant with when she was caught shoplifting), and he has a daughter who is almost eight, but has only seen three times in her life, not to mention my son, one year old Max.

child support

(State of Georgia Child Support Portal shows as of July 27th, he is in arrears with our son to the tune of $4,015.52. As of August 1st, the amount will increase Bear in mind, the Support Order only started September 1st 2013, and he was in arrears by the end of the month).

After many promises of help for our son, he decided to shun his responsibility for a life of leisure. It was I who, last year January (2013) wrote to Montana Child Support, whilst I was still living with him, to tell them of his whereabouts. Until he left the Army on December 4th 2012, due to not being able to re-enlist as he was going to be chaptered/kicked out, I had known him to be paying Child Support to his daughter.

He is also in arrears with Child Support with his daughter.

His driver’s licence is still suspended because of the arrears, since December 4th 2013.

Maybe this time they will be responsible parents and actually raise this (unborn) child. But it is going to be very interesting to see how on earth they are going to be able to explain to their other three children (in total, even though he’s twenty-six and she’s twenty-two, they have a fourth one one on the way) that they did not care to be in their lives. I guess they’ll blame the Custodial Parents for that. Blame shifting is the key for narcissists/psychopaths/sociopaths. But I have all the messages from *Steve ill treating me and saying he will not support our son. And I am going to show them to Max when he is of age to understand them.

it's my mouth

Just like I am going to show Max the messages from each and every single one on Steve’s family members who have shunned him in favour for the new child – to include his father, step-mother, biological mother, and both his sisters – as well actual messages from them about Steve, how they slagged off Britney, etc.

Oh, and yes, he is still legally married to me.

Twenty Traits Of Malignant Narcissism ~ Eighteen

*THE SAINTLY NARCISSIST: proclaims high moral standing. Accuses others of immorality. “Hang ’em high” he says about the murderer on the 6:00 news. This hypocrite lies, cheats, schemes, corrupts, abuses, deceives, controls, manipulates and torments while portraying himself of high morals. 

Pretty much all listed in “Real Events“.

Defense Strategy: Learn the red flags of behaviour. Be suspicious of people claiming high morals. Can be spotted at a church near you.

See Part One

See Part Two

See Part Three

See Part Four

See Part Five

See Part Six

See Part Seven

See Part Eight

See Part Nine

See Part Ten

See Part Eleven

See Part Twelve

See Part Thirteen

See Part Fourteen

See Part Fifteen

See Part Sixteen

See Part Seventeen

(*From the “Narcissism Book Of Quotes”)