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Hamster Wheel Conversations with the Narcissist

“If you continue to maintain contact with them, they will continue to manipulate and exploit you because that’s what their nature is, in spite of how “wonderful” they were in the beginning. That was a stage play they performed just for you.” ~ Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

Hamster Wheel

One of the most important aspects of maintaining No Contact and going on to recover is being able to see your narcissistic partner for who (and what) they truly are.  They can seem so genuine sometimes, and we make the mistake of assuming that they must have some understandable reason to be hurtful.  We find it too hard to accept the idea that some people are cunning, devious and ruthless…and that our partner is one of them.  After all, we shared our very selves with them. We trusted them.  We loved them.

Allow me to offer you some critical information that may help you in leaving your pathological relationship and maintaining No Contact.  A common struggle among people who reach out to me for coaching is getting stuck in a crazy cycle of trying to “make” their partner understand the pain they’ve caused them.  They try to “make them” understand how they…

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Power and Control Phases of Narcissistic Relationships

“How a narcissist represents themselves to the public is different than how they view themselves from within and behind closed doors.” ~ The Lost Self – Life After Narcissism

“The narcissist has to value this supply because it’s truly all he has, it’s the lifeline for his existence, for his ability to move forward from one relationship to the other.” ~ The Lost Self – Life After Narcissism

The Lost Self - Life After Narcissism


In order to understand the idealization, devalue, and discard phase of the relationship one must understand how narcissist energy is acquired and maintained throughout a relationship.

When one enters into a mutual relationship it’s based on two healthy adult individuals who have one common goal in mind to be together, through unconditional love, mutual understanding, commitment, honor, respect, loyalty and trust. However for a narcissist a relationship involves a source of supply which is seen as an exciting new “investment”.

Normal relationships often provide a new sense of excitement, being with someone can enhance one’s emotions and sense of self normally.

For a narcissist this is taken to the extreme, as they know they need their own needs met, they must sustain their sense of grandiose imagery, and they must satisfy their grand egos. The most important of these emotional needs is to be the subject of attention in order…

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