Well, Hello Mr. Crazy

beauty and the beast

Calling him “Mr. Crazy” is putting it mildly to say the least. There are things he did, which no ‘normal’ human being would do. It never ceased to amaze me just how low *Steve would stoop, nor how far he would go to get his point across. Thinking about it, I believe he’s gone past controlling (I’m not even sure if that’s possible, or even what the next stage would be called!). I have to admit, I can see why his family does not talk to him, and why he has very few friends – if any at all. Here are some of the things to explain why I have awarded him such a title:

  • He took the locks off the extended stay hotel door so I couldn’t shut him out. That way, he could come in and out as he pleased, taunting me, laughing as he did so.
  • I found text messages in his phone to *Peter whom we stayed with in Upstate New York, calling me “crazy bitch”, not to mention someone else he had been texting too. He was calling me a crazy bitch because I was sick of being penniless, homeless, tired and hungry. (See “Heavily Pregnant, Hungry And Homeless“). I’m sure you’ve guessed that he had not mentioned any of these things. His sole purpose was to make me look like the bad person.
  • Being six foot and  260 lbs+ (and getting bigger still, yet I wasn’t allowed to eat), he threw his weight against the front door on numerous occasions, so I couldn’t leave the apartment. His weight would be one of the reasons the Army wanted to chapter him. (See “I Saved Him From Being Kicked Out Of The Army“). I am five foot three inches, was pregnant and weighed approximately 140 lbs before my pregnancy.
  • After moving to the US on March 3rd 2012, a week later, we attended the Military Ball. It would be at this point that I would really find out the degree of his lying.  Steve had told his colleagues that when I was still living  in the UK, I wouldn’t allow him to go out; I would only allow him to go to work, then come home and talk to me on Skype. Yet it was I who suggested he go out and have a life, but he told me he didn’t like them. He only spoke to them because he worked with them. To top it off, they confronted me and asked me why I wouldn’t let him go out. I told them it was untrue, so he was left unable to explain why he had lied. What he did say, was that we all misunderstood him.
  • I found messages to one of his ex’s dated August 2010, yet when we started talking in September 2010, he told me that he hadn’t spoken to her for a year. This is the same ex whom he had been engaged to and had been dating (apparently) for three years, but had only seen once. The same ex who found out she couldn’t have children, so when I fell pregnant, he promptly contacted her gloating that I, his wife, was pregnant. You have got to be a really twisted individual to get satisfaction from something like that.
  • Wanting to go out to get away from him, without realising, as the main account holder on our cell/mobile accounts, he set up a tracker on my phone. For a couple of days, I’d notice that he wouldn’t fight me if I wanted to leave. Once I’d left the apartment, he still find out where I was – my exact location. One day, I left without my phone. He didn’t show. I enjoyed the time away from him. When I returned he was so mad that I hadn’t taken my phone. At first I thought it was because he had tried calling. I checked. He hadn’t. Upon checking the bill, it all made sense. The phone company had introduced a tracking app for parents who wanted to know their children were safe. It must have been during one night when I was asleep that he installed it onto my phone.
  • When we’d go to the supermarket straight after he’d finished work (which meant he’d still be wearing his uniform), people would take the time out to thank him for his service (if only they know the truth…). He either walk off, or grunt. He even had the nerve to say to me that those people were fake. They had no respect for him. They wouldn’t show the same respect if he wasn’t wearing it. OK, Mr. Crazy, they don’t actually know you… It was nothing short of rude and embarrassing. I used to make it my duty to apologise to them and thank them on his behalf.
  • He took me to the hairdressers – once. Whilst getting my hair done, which surprisingly, he paid for, Steve bought me a pair of Nike flip flops. Returning with them, in front of every one he got down on his knees and put them on my feet. I knew it was all a show and felt ill. He just wanted his ego fed by the strangers around me, who would ultimately (I assume) think he was a wonderful guy. It was nothing to do with making me feel good. When we argued later, he’d remind me that he had taken me to the hairdressers and that he had bought me footwear, which he didn’t have to do.
  • Roses are my favourite flowers. One day, whilst in the supermarket I saw a  rather large, deep red one. It was beautiful (and discounted!). He saw me looking at it and said we had no money for it. I just wanted to look at it’s beauty for a moment, and certainly was not expecting him to buy it. As we were queuing at the checkout, he went back to get the rose, which I was unaware of. The checkout was very busy. When it was our turn to be served, he picked up the rose in front of everyone and got down on one knee asking him to marry him all over again. I must say, I have to give him props for a great show! Well done Steve! *Sarcasm*. Of course people who did not know him were smiling. The cashier said something to me (I can’t remember what it was, I just wanted to get the hell out of what felt like a freak show), but I do remember telling her she could have him. Again, it was all about feeding his narcissistic, psychotic, sociopathic, egotistic self.

christopher

The reason I had given him so many chances to begin with, was because I thought the distance was to blame. To be honest, I’m glad he forced me to move to the US with him. The reason? If we had kept a long distance relationship like we had in the beginning, it would have taken me much longer to see his true colours in full. I would have given him more years than I already have. I’m just grateful it was only two and a half years, of which only one year was spent living with him full time. The experiences though, was enough to last me a lifetime.

(*Not their real names)

How We Met And The Military Ball

Military Ball

I had an account on a site called MyYearBook.com (now MeetMe.com), where I used to play games that had been transferred from Facebook. Randomly, on September 25th 2010, he requested me as a friend so I accepted. I had decided not to accept anyone under the age of 30; I was 34; he was 22, just shy of his 23rd birthday. Somehow, this one seemed different. He had “dead eyes” and told me how he was alone and that his heart had been broken a year earlier. He also had a daughter that he missed dearly but could not see, due to being enlisted in the Army. I felt sorry for him, but liked his openness in our conversations. He was more than willing to tell me everything, or so it seemed. Contrary to what he told people, which was that he met me in a bar in Germany and smacked my butt(!), it is definitely not how we met. He was a US soldier, stationed in Germany and chased me for little over a month online. During this period, we would Skype and email – a lot.

One day, during a conversation, I told him I needed a break from London and my usual environment. He suggested I kill two birds with one stone – go to Germany to get away and to see him. After much thought, I decided why not? We would meet in public that way I wouldn’t be at risk. So, I agreed. I made sure I paid for the hotel, flights and cab myself, in case we didn’t like each other, he wouldn’t be able to tell me he paid for this and that. I even paid for all our drinks and food without even realising he hadn’t put his hand in his pockets once. It was a lovely long weekend. Just what I needed. We met for the first time on October 29th 2010. We got on well so agreed to date.

Within a few days of returning to London on November 1st, during a conversation on Skype, he invited me to go see him for Thanks Giving (even though it isn’t something I celebrate as I am British), the Military Christmas Ball and to go see his family in Tennessee – all before the end of the year and it was the beginning of November! I told him I couldn’t afford all 3 trips as I’d just gotten back from seeing him a few days ago. He said it was OK and that he would pay for my flights and the hotel for me to attend the Military ball. I was over the moon!

Well, it didn’t go quite as planned… I paid for the Thanks Giving trip in full (November 25th – 28th), to include all meals and drinks for both of us. Not once did he offer. We’d go to restaurants and he’d order steak each time. He’d order non-stop at the bars and I had to pick up the tabs to save myself embarrassment. He even had the audacity to say to me that when we met up for the long weekend at the end of October, he felt bad as he didn’t pay for anything. I was glad he had pointed it out, not I, as so early in a relationship, the topic of money is awkward, to say the least. But still, he did not make an effort to pay for anything. I felt I should wait to see what happens as there were two more trips coming up. The Military Ball and Tennessee. There was also a distraction. Even though he had not presented a ring, he proposed to me just four weeks after we met. In the snow, on one knee, in front of a Gothic Church, in Germany. It was a beautiful night.

Having purchased my new dress for the Ball, I waited for him to email the itinerary to me. It did not come. Instead, he asked me to put it on my credit card and told me he would pay me back. Not wanting to put a damper on anything, and armed with the knowledge that he was working so he’d pay me back as he told me he would, I put the hotel and my flights on my credit card (December 9th – 12th). With the booking in my name and my card details at the front desk, he drank everything out of the mini-bar. Once refilled, he did the same again. We ate, I paid. We drank, I paid. The same thing was happening again for the third time! We even went to McDonald’s for breakfast one morning, whereby I just wanted a coffee, but he wanted breakfast. There were two queues – one for food; the other for drinks. I told him I’d queue for the coffees and he should queue for the food. He wanted me to queue for both, but I had already cottoned on to what he was trying to do. He wanted me to pay for his breakfast and the coffees. In the end, I refused and he spent 3 euros of his own money on three cheeseburgers. If I had paid, his order would have been way bigger than that!

chris & Persia 2

The Ball itself was a wonderful experience. He showed me off like I was some sort of trophy which I was uncomfortable with. His colleagues seemed impressed that he was actually in a relationship, as well as surprised that we were together. I was asked what I was doing with him! He paid for the photos, which I must admit, came as a surprise, as he hadn’t paid for anything up to this point. I paid for the drinks all night. I was sad when the night came to an end. I really had a lovely time. The long weekend ended much to soon.

Three things bothered me at the end of the trip though. Firstly, some money (euros) I had brought with me went missing. I ask him whether or not he had taken it, he said he hadn’t. Secondly, he left me to pay the mini-bar bill. Thirdly, he still hadn’t paid me back to clear my credit card like he said he would…