That’s Why I Believe You

triple dipped psycho

I had no idea he was talking behind my back, blaming me for our financial woes, nor did I know he was telling people that it was I who insisted on us getting married. Considering it was he who proposed to me, and he was the one who got the information about proxy marriages. I’d never heard of one before! And it’s certainly not something that we do in the UK.

Me, 03:01, 6 May 2013 – I don’t know what is wrong with him. If he had made this much effort with us,  we would have been fine.

His Mother, 03:01, 6 May 2013 – yes you would. except for the lies and selfishness.

Me, 03:02, 6 May 2013 – So true. He lied about everything

Me, 03:02, 6 May 2013I wanted to leave him from last year and he wouldn’t let me

His Mother, 03:03, 6 May 2013 – including lying to me about you. grieve for the man you fell in love with so you can heal. don’t search for answers. that’s what I had to do.

Me, 03:04, 6 May 2013 – What did he say about me?

lying through your teeth

His Mother, 03:06, 6 May 2013he blamed the money problems on you, said you insisted on getting married, said you constantly put him down.

Me, 03:07, 6 May 2013 – Wow

His Mother, 03:07, 6 May 2013 – that was when he got out of the army and you were pregnant and he took off on you.

Me, 03:08, 6 May 2013 – I went to see him between Germany and the States 8 times and paid for it all to include flights, hotels and food.

Me, 03:09, 6 May 2013He racked up a nearly $3,000 debt on my credit card and left me to pay for it.

His Mother, 03:09, 6 May 2013when you told me he lied it was the final truth because everyone has been telling me that. that’s why I believe you.

Me, 03:11, 6 May 2013 – My divorce was finalised on April 1st 2011 and he insisted we get married straight away – against my better judgement,  so it happened on April 29th 2011 by proxy.

Me, 03:11, 6 May 2013I ended up paying for it.

Me, 03:12, 6 May 2013I told him i didn’t want to get married ever again. He really is a liar.

His Mother, 03:12, 6 May 2013 – I always swore I would never marry again unless I knew the man’s family. I knew my husband’s family for almost 30 years before I met him.

Me, 03:14, 6 May 2013 – I will call you tomorrow or something so we can actually talk about the things he’s done to me and so I can set the picture straight. I now know why no one likes him. Very horrible person. Shame i had to move out there to find out. Hard to see when you live in different countries.

Me, 03:16, 6 May 2013 – Please do not tell him we are on talking terms or what we have discussed.

His Mother, 03:16, 6 May 2013 – if it’s any consolation, , I made the same mistake with an online relationship after his father and I separated. I will keep this secret as long as you want.

 

spreading lies about others

Where his mother states “…that was when he got put of the army and you were pregnant and he took off on you“, was when he left me stranded in West Virginia, heavily pregnant, in winter, with no money or food. I had literally no battery power left on my phone either.  I had to sit outside in the cold, freezing to death, with no coat.

He eventually came back for me after three and a half hours.

Can’t say I’m surprised by his lies though. That’s all he ever does. Lie.

Chuck Norris

chuck norris

When I was pregnant with our son Max, *Steve used to make references to Chuck Norris all the time. For example, Max would rest against my organs leaving me in pain, and Steve would say it was because he was Chuck Norris! When we went for the scans, Max would be kicking wildly, and eventually, you could see his elbows and feet printed on my tummy. Yep, you guessed, the Chuck Norris references and jokes kept coming! I bet he’s doing the same thing now with the child he has on the way. Nothing new there then!

baby scans

Steve also posted on his Facebook page “It’s a boy! We couldn’t be prouder!”, tagging me in. Yet, he has made no attempts to be in his son’s life. No doubt, he just wanted to feed his ego even more, acting like he was a proud father to be, so people could say what a great person he is. Narcissists will use family, even their own children to get their fix. By the time he had posted this in July 20th 2012, I already knew that he didn’t care about his children at all – to include his daughter.

deadbeat dad

I guess things may be different for a while with the new baby, but only because he of course, wants to try to prove me wrong.

I wish him luck with that, because no matter how long it takes, his true character will emerge. Nothing ever changes – except for the mask falling off – when it comes to a narcissist.

Steve And Britney

both of them 2

(Please note, he did not look like this when I met him!).

I’ve known for quite some time, plus had an inkling months ago, but I hear congratulations are in order to the couple – they are expecting! Maybe *Steve and *Britney will be responsible for this child, as they already have three between them they don’t support, live with or know; she has a three year old daughter (the one she was pregnant with when she was caught shoplifting), and he has a daughter who is almost eight, but has only seen three times in her life, not to mention my son, one year old Max.

child support

(State of Georgia Child Support Portal shows as of July 27th, he is in arrears with our son to the tune of $4,015.52. As of August 1st, the amount will increase Bear in mind, the Support Order only started September 1st 2013, and he was in arrears by the end of the month).

After many promises of help for our son, he decided to shun his responsibility for a life of leisure. It was I who, last year January (2013) wrote to Montana Child Support, whilst I was still living with him, to tell them of his whereabouts. Until he left the Army on December 4th 2012, due to not being able to re-enlist as he was going to be chaptered/kicked out, I had known him to be paying Child Support to his daughter.

He is also in arrears with Child Support with his daughter.

His driver’s licence is still suspended because of the arrears, since December 4th 2013.

Maybe this time they will be responsible parents and actually raise this (unborn) child. But it is going to be very interesting to see how on earth they are going to be able to explain to their other three children (in total, even though he’s twenty-six and she’s twenty-two, they have a fourth one one on the way) that they did not care to be in their lives. I guess they’ll blame the Custodial Parents for that. Blame shifting is the key for narcissists/psychopaths/sociopaths. But I have all the messages from *Steve ill treating me and saying he will not support our son. And I am going to show them to Max when he is of age to understand them.

it's my mouth

Just like I am going to show Max the messages from each and every single one on Steve’s family members who have shunned him in favour for the new child – to include his father, step-mother, biological mother, and both his sisters – as well actual messages from them about Steve, how they slagged off Britney, etc.

Oh, and yes, he is still legally married to me.

So Called Latino Cheater ~ Part Two

“So called Latino cheater4m

I do know the proper use of your and leave, but it so happens that you aggravated me to the point of me being in tears, and of course I know you do not care. I will not give in to this foolishness with that being said this will be my last post. I have no interest in giving you “Fame” so try to get good ratings out of this one. My question to you is: Did it feel good to bring up the fact that I am not able to have children? You obviously know how to spell but what you know not about is RESPECT for other people and what they go through. The fact that you seem so hurt about what Steve did to you and how this blog is suppost to be for women that have been abused but yet you find pleasure in hurting me emotionally. It’s ok Persia, after this message I will not allow you to disturb to the peace I have in my heart. I am not able to have children but I am an AMAZING women. I have learned from my pain and my mistakes and have moved on to a wonderful life with a man who loves me greatly. Hopefully you will be able to feel and experience that kind of love someday. I do not. Care if you decide to reply to this post or not since I will not visit your blog again. I did speak to Steve about this today since we have remain friends all of these years so yes Persia I know all about you but I will be the bigger person here and leave it at that. I came to the conclusion that you are in need of attention so I will not give you the satisfaction of wasting my time any longer. Don’t flatter yourself honey I replied to this because I owed it to myself not get a rise out of you. Hope that you and your 3 followers get a kick out of this one. (; Best regards!! From a BLISSFUL and HAPPY Latina who made better choices in her life than you.”

ReplyApprove”

 

Yes folks, there is a part two.

Once again, she shows her capability of being able to read.

Fame? What fame? Because I’ve decided to tell the truth of what has happened to me and what has been said to me?

Did it feel good to bring up the fact that I am not able to have children?” – I’d like to know where at any I indicated that it felt good. The last time I checked, I was merely pointing out that *Steve had said a lot of bad things about you, and that he was happy you contacted him to gloat about the fact that I was pregnant and you were unable to have any children. How is this me being happy about your misfortune?

What I know not about is respect? No, you don’t know about respect, otherwise you would not be throwing around accusations as you are.

Don’t tell me what my blog is supposed to be about. It’s not supposed to be for women. It’s supposed to explain what I went through, and to let any man, woman or child know they do not have to suffer in silence. That’s why the sub-title is “Speaking Out About Domestic Abuse”.

I don’t see how what I have said has hurt you emotionally, because it was not I who said it in the first place – it was *Steve, your so-called friend who spread this information around. Perhaps you should have another chat with him…

I know full well is “OK”. I have never spoken ill of you, and you clearly are incapable of basic reading skills, and to think for yourself, which is why you haven’t stopped to think how I knew about you in the first place. The only person who disturbed the peace in your heart is the same one you are believing, and who created this mess in the first place.

You mean to say you are a wonderful “woman” not “women“.

There is no hopefully about feeling love. I feel it everyday from family, friends and my son. Thanks for the concern though.

You won’t visit my blog again, but I can see you have sent yet another message… hmm…

If you can still call Steve a friend, then that’s up to you. A friend would not have said all those things he did about you.

I didn’t communicate with you first, remember that, so you re only wasting your own time.

I’m not flattering myself – you are, because you think I pulled all the info I  know about you out of thin air. I do feel for you.

I don’t have three followers – those are just the people who have like the post so far. Many more have read it too. I have over four hundred followers, so please…

You know all about me from what Steve has said. I know all about you from what Steve has said. I know all about his family from what Steve has said. I know all about his friends from what Steve has said. Doesn’t mean they’re true, so you run along now and believe whatever you wish.

You made better choices than me in life? One of them being to believe the person who slagged you off? Off course he’s going to lie and send you the link to my blog. He knows you can’t think for yourself and need people on “Team Steve”, whereas I don’t need to recruit anyone. He is desperate to get as many people as possible on his side. Oh, and three of the best choices I’ve ever made in my life is 1) having my son, 2) leaving lying Steve when my son was twelve weeks old before he turned onto his own son (as he started to, shouting at a ten week old baby for having an upset stomach because the noise stopped him from being able to sleep) and 3) not believing the lies that you continue to believe.

Unlike you, I don’t need a man to make me complete, nor do I have to remain friends with someone who does not care about me – so much so, that he would spread information about me like he has done to you – because I am not desperate.

Take care of yourself now.

So Called Latino Cheater…

I awoke in the early hours of this morning to find this message pending for approval. Half asleep, it did make me wonder how some people can get angry and uptight about something which was not slagging them off in any way.

The Early Gifts From Him

So Called Latino …Jul 2, 5:28 am

Who do you think you are??! If you don’t have your facts straight you shouldn’t be talking so openly about me. You have no idea who I am or what I went thru, therefore you should just stick to blogging about your personal experience and live me out of that equation.

ReplyApproveSpam|”

Now I’m not going to spend too much of my time writing about just how stupid this comment is, because it really isn’t worth it. But I will say this. “So Called Latino Cheater…” clearly did not read what I had written properly, if in fact at all. For if she did, this comment would never have come about. I clearly stated that it was what *Steve had told me. I also furthered the point by saying “As he says the story goes…”. By opening with these statements, anyone with even one brain cell would know that it was something he had more than likely made up. I never said they were facts. How else would I even know you existed if he hadn’t said something about you? Have you stopped to think about that?

Just like he told me that you had contacted him in the early half of 2012, and said it was perfect timing as he wanted to talk to you, so he could tell you I was pregnant “to spite you because he knows you cannot have children”. Of course I thought this was outrageous, and thought this was the lowest of the low and told him so. Again, how would I know about this had he not said something to me?

So, my dear child, not only do I know who I am, therefore, I do not have to think about it, but I do not wish to know anything about you. I never have, but I was with someone, who unfortunately felt the need to tell me about all sorts of bad things about others – to include you because he wanted others and me to feel pity for him. Also, I don’t have any idea what you went through, but again, I don’t really care to be honest.

What you should do is take a seat, and don’t tell me what to do. I have not used your name, even though I know it. I have not spoken openly about you, so don’t flatter yourself. If you’re pissed off, then I suggest you take up your issues with Steve. By trying to take it out on me, you are just participating in his foolishness, and encouraging his behaviour therefore, becoming an enabler.

Oh, one more thing… “thru” is spelt “through” (it always has been), and “live” I believe is meant to be “leave“.

Not sure how you came across it, but thank you for visiting my blog – my stats increased quite a bit! I do hope you stop by again.

Well, Hello Mr. Crazy

beauty and the beast

Calling him “Mr. Crazy” is putting it mildly to say the least. There are things he did, which no ‘normal’ human being would do. It never ceased to amaze me just how low *Steve would stoop, nor how far he would go to get his point across. Thinking about it, I believe he’s gone past controlling (I’m not even sure if that’s possible, or even what the next stage would be called!). I have to admit, I can see why his family does not talk to him, and why he has very few friends – if any at all. Here are some of the things to explain why I have awarded him such a title:

  • He took the locks off the extended stay hotel door so I couldn’t shut him out. That way, he could come in and out as he pleased, taunting me, laughing as he did so.
  • I found text messages in his phone to *Peter whom we stayed with in Upstate New York, calling me “crazy bitch”, not to mention someone else he had been texting too. He was calling me a crazy bitch because I was sick of being penniless, homeless, tired and hungry. (See “Heavily Pregnant, Hungry And Homeless“). I’m sure you’ve guessed that he had not mentioned any of these things. His sole purpose was to make me look like the bad person.
  • Being six foot and  260 lbs+ (and getting bigger still, yet I wasn’t allowed to eat), he threw his weight against the front door on numerous occasions, so I couldn’t leave the apartment. His weight would be one of the reasons the Army wanted to chapter him. (See “I Saved Him From Being Kicked Out Of The Army“). I am five foot three inches, was pregnant and weighed approximately 140 lbs before my pregnancy.
  • After moving to the US on March 3rd 2012, a week later, we attended the Military Ball. It would be at this point that I would really find out the degree of his lying.  Steve had told his colleagues that when I was still living  in the UK, I wouldn’t allow him to go out; I would only allow him to go to work, then come home and talk to me on Skype. Yet it was I who suggested he go out and have a life, but he told me he didn’t like them. He only spoke to them because he worked with them. To top it off, they confronted me and asked me why I wouldn’t let him go out. I told them it was untrue, so he was left unable to explain why he had lied. What he did say, was that we all misunderstood him.
  • I found messages to one of his ex’s dated August 2010, yet when we started talking in September 2010, he told me that he hadn’t spoken to her for a year. This is the same ex whom he had been engaged to and had been dating (apparently) for three years, but had only seen once. The same ex who found out she couldn’t have children, so when I fell pregnant, he promptly contacted her gloating that I, his wife, was pregnant. You have got to be a really twisted individual to get satisfaction from something like that.
  • Wanting to go out to get away from him, without realising, as the main account holder on our cell/mobile accounts, he set up a tracker on my phone. For a couple of days, I’d notice that he wouldn’t fight me if I wanted to leave. Once I’d left the apartment, he still find out where I was – my exact location. One day, I left without my phone. He didn’t show. I enjoyed the time away from him. When I returned he was so mad that I hadn’t taken my phone. At first I thought it was because he had tried calling. I checked. He hadn’t. Upon checking the bill, it all made sense. The phone company had introduced a tracking app for parents who wanted to know their children were safe. It must have been during one night when I was asleep that he installed it onto my phone.
  • When we’d go to the supermarket straight after he’d finished work (which meant he’d still be wearing his uniform), people would take the time out to thank him for his service (if only they know the truth…). He either walk off, or grunt. He even had the nerve to say to me that those people were fake. They had no respect for him. They wouldn’t show the same respect if he wasn’t wearing it. OK, Mr. Crazy, they don’t actually know you… It was nothing short of rude and embarrassing. I used to make it my duty to apologise to them and thank them on his behalf.
  • He took me to the hairdressers – once. Whilst getting my hair done, which surprisingly, he paid for, Steve bought me a pair of Nike flip flops. Returning with them, in front of every one he got down on his knees and put them on my feet. I knew it was all a show and felt ill. He just wanted his ego fed by the strangers around me, who would ultimately (I assume) think he was a wonderful guy. It was nothing to do with making me feel good. When we argued later, he’d remind me that he had taken me to the hairdressers and that he had bought me footwear, which he didn’t have to do.
  • Roses are my favourite flowers. One day, whilst in the supermarket I saw a  rather large, deep red one. It was beautiful (and discounted!). He saw me looking at it and said we had no money for it. I just wanted to look at it’s beauty for a moment, and certainly was not expecting him to buy it. As we were queuing at the checkout, he went back to get the rose, which I was unaware of. The checkout was very busy. When it was our turn to be served, he picked up the rose in front of everyone and got down on one knee asking him to marry him all over again. I must say, I have to give him props for a great show! Well done Steve! *Sarcasm*. Of course people who did not know him were smiling. The cashier said something to me (I can’t remember what it was, I just wanted to get the hell out of what felt like a freak show), but I do remember telling her she could have him. Again, it was all about feeding his narcissistic, psychotic, sociopathic, egotistic self.

christopher

The reason I had given him so many chances to begin with, was because I thought the distance was to blame. To be honest, I’m glad he forced me to move to the US with him. The reason? If we had kept a long distance relationship like we had in the beginning, it would have taken me much longer to see his true colours in full. I would have given him more years than I already have. I’m just grateful it was only two and a half years, of which only one year was spent living with him full time. The experiences though, was enough to last me a lifetime.

(*Not their real names)

It Was His Money, Not Mine

chris in germany

(*Steve stationed in Germany when he was a US soldier).

During our discussion in December 2011 to have a child, Steve had said he would purchase my maternity clothes, should I fall pregnant sooner rather than later. In fact, he told me I wouldn’t have to work at all. (See “My Green Card Application“). As I was returning to the UK for seven weeks before my permanent move to the US, I figured it was a good idea to have a Contingency Fund. So, within the this time, I was paid for the last of the T.V., Film, Commercials and Corporate Videos work I had completed, sold my car, got my deposit back from the apartment I was renting, got all credits due to me from utility companies (I always overpaid) – it all came to $6,500.00/£4,642.00 A nice little sum for a rainy day.

It all went wrong from the moment I got to the US. I had to pay for his car (see “Paying For His Car And More Lies“); buy a dinning table and chairs so I wouldn’t have to eat off the floor, (when I was allowed to eat, which was very little); buy a sofa as I was sitting on the floor which was making my back worse during my pregnancy; plus more for the household; buy him clothes as he was constantly complaining that he needed some and would discard items after one wear. I ended up with only $87.00/£62.00 to buy my own maternity clothes. When I reminded him of what he had said just months earlier, he said he had no money, so what did I expect him to do. Wowreally? Instead, this is what I was offered:

  • I had to walk to the hospital on numerous occasions wearing broken shoes, limping in agony whilst he spent what little money we had on things he wanted, such as cigarettes, cigars and junk food. These were the same broken shoes I would have to use as slippers once I was admitted to hospital to have our son. There was no money for hospital parking for me to attend my appointments (even though prices started at $3.00), nor was there ever enough money for gas/petrol to take me in the first place.
  • He’d bought me a $7.00/£5.00 cotton nightdress for the hospital, because I was wearing my pyjamas for hospital visits as well, but it didn’t last long. Upon leaving the hospital, he ripped it off me because he bought it and we had had a disagreement.
  • I was wearing pyjamas on the street as I had no clothes. In fact, I remember a bunch of immature guys in a car ridiculing me for the way I looked. I felt so low. It was at that point I knew I’d really hit rock bottom.
  • I was so upset, I found myself wandering and crying in the street. A guy approached me and asked me what was wrong. I told him I’d come from the UK and was homeless and hadn’t eaten. He could see I was heavily pregnant and offered to buy me food. Out of nowhere, Steve approached and told the guy I was over-reacting because there was food at home. You could see the guy didn’t believe him so Steve’s classic one-liner came out “I’m a veteran“. Every time he looked bad, he’d used this line. I was livid. I screamed that he wasn’t a veteran because I saved his career (see “I Saved Him From Being Kicked Out Of The Army“). The guy didn’t seem concerned about him at all; he was more concerned that I hadn’t eaten. The police were called and Steve disappeared.
  • My hands were wrinkled and sore from all the cooking, washing and cleaning I had to do for Steve. I remember telling him how terrible I looked and felt, and my hands looked like that of a hundred year old woman! He ‘told me off’ for complaining about my hands, and told me they didn’t matter. Besides, what was the obsession with them? (I was not obsessed, I was merely stating how awful they looked since I gave up a better life in the UK for him).
  • He gave me his hand-me-down male clothes which could no longer fit him, as he was getting bigger and bigger from eating too much in front of me, whilst I was shrinking in size, although pregnant, because he would take food away from me, telling me his money bought it. He told me he didn’t need to get me a coat during the winter because he had a perfectly good mac and fleece jacket I could wear… although they were in storage in New York and we couldn’t get to them, as we were in Marietta, Georgia.
  • Even when WIC (Women, Infants and Children) started supplying me with vouchers just a week before I was due, to buy staple food such as eggs, rice and milk, he’d have it all. One time, after purchasing twelve eggs with one of the vouchers, he sat in front of me and ate seven in one go. He drank all the juice I was allowed to purchase at any one time. He wouldn’t allow me to purchase brown rice as he didn’t like it, so instead, got tortilla wraps which he promptly threw away, because they weren’t as nice as he thought they’d be.
  • I had to buy comforters/duvet sets as we didn’t have any. Something he was supposed to buy before I moved out there. Is it me, or does this go without saying?
  • He made sure he always had an allowance each week, regardless of whether bills were paid or there was food for me or not.
  • Even when there was only enough money to just about cover rent for the week, he’d still want to go out to eat, and curse me for being responsible, because I felt keeping a roof over our heads were more important.

These are just some of the things that happened to me because it was his money. I never treated him like that when I was earning, and cannot wrap my head around how someone could possibly behave in such a way, and not feel any guilt nor remorse for it.

(*Not his real name)