Four Year Anniversary

Yesterday (13th March) was my four year anniversary.

This was the day I landed in the UK with my then 12 week old son, after being in an abusive relationship.

This was the day I realised I was no longer going to punched, hit, strangled, suffocated and then some.

This was the day I realised that even though my abusive ex-husband agreed my son and I should go to the UK and he would follow, I knew he wouldn’t.

This was the day I realised my son was not going to grow up following in the footsteps of his father.

This was the day I got my life back – even though I am still not completely back on track.

This was the day I said “No more. Enough is enough”.

This was the day I started to live again.

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Thursday Thought — Why Did So Many People Side with Him?

A Cry For Justice

On some days the following thoughts may rattle around inside your head:  “Okay, I can kind of see his friends backing him up, because they only hear his side of the story.  And some of them are kind of like him anyhow — that’s why they’re friends with him.  But why have people I trusted taken his side?  My own good friends? My brother? Our pastor? People who’d been neutral before?  What happened?

Go back in your mind to the first several months of your relationship with your partner.  Remember how convincing he was, how persuasive?  Remember what a great guy he seemed to be?  Remember how he made you feel bad for him when he told you about other people who had done wrong to him (including previous partners of his)?  Abusive men tend to be skillful manipulators.  Unfortunately, the same skills he used with you he is now…

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The Story Behind the Name

People still ask the following questions; “What made you choose a powerful name such as Maximus?”, or “Did you name your son after the Gladiator?

After watching the film, years before I even had a child, I thought to myself if I were to have a son, his name would be Maximus. The character, who without a doubt, was wronged in many ways, fought not just because he had to try to stay alive through horrific arena trials, but because he wanted to get justice for his murdered wife and child.

During my pregnancy in 2012, towards the end of my second trimester, my ex-husband had left me so distressed and in so much pain after he had knocked me about, my Little Yum-Yum, Maximus did not kick for five long, heart-wrenching days. Bearing in mind, he was initially a kicker and a wriggler. Five days felt like a lifetime. I wasn’t allowed to go to the hospital, and my ex-husband decided he would diagnose me himself – everything was fine… apparently.

I thought my baby was gone. Sick with worry, thinking the worst, I wanted to die.

Then, by the Grace of God, on what would have been the sixth day of no movement, my baby moved. My very own Gladiator was alive and kicking. As well as feeling relived and other mixed emotions, I realised how fitting the name Maximus would actually be, despite my ex-husband trying to force me to call him Indiana (as in Indiana Jones), Indy for short . My son was going to wear his name and own it.

I shall leave you with what I think is the best quote and best clip in the movie.

“My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.”

Was Betty Broderick really a victim of narcissistic abuse?

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Lucky Otters Haven

thebrodericks
Dan and Betty Broderick at their wedding, 1969

Sometimes the delineation between being a narcissistic abuser and having been a victim of narcissistic abuse is not very clear.    A famous example is Betty Broderick,  the jilted wife who broke into the home of her ex-husband, Dan Broderick, and his new wife, Linda Kolkena, and shot them both to death as they slept.

The entire story is documented in Bella Stumbo’s excellent true crime book, Until The Twelfth of Never, which I read a number of years ago. The story of this tragedy haunted me for weeks, but Dan’s treatment of Betty prior to the murders haunted me even more.  In fact, it downright bugged the bejeezus out of me.

Betty was eventually prosecuted and her appeal for parole was denied.   She will probably spend the rest of her life in prison.

Did Betty murder in cold blood?…

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